Author: Chris Scullion

Chris Scullion is a Scottish video games journalist who's been covering video games professionally for 16 years. For the first six years of his career he worked at the Official Nintendo Magazine in the UK, then became the Games Editor of CVG before its untimely end. After setting up his own site, Tired Old Hack, Chris then joined Video Games Chronicle (VGC) where he is currently Features Editor. He has a passion for retro games and cataloguing their history, hence his ongoing series of console encyclopedia books (search his name on Amazon).

Pet Sematary II (1992) review

Published on by Chris Scullion2 Comments

Pet Sematary 2 posterDirector: Mary Lambert

Starring: Edward Furlong, Anthony Edwards, Jason McGuire, Clancy Brown, Jared Rushton

“You bury your own.” (Gus, Pet Sematary II)

The original Pet Sematary (disclaimer: one of my favourite horror films ever) revolved around the idea that if something has ceased to be it’s sometimes best to move on and not try to resurrect it.

Mary Lambert’s film showed that any attempt to revive dead children, animals and adults inevitably results in a disturbing aberration that may look similar, but is missing its soul. With Pet Sematary II, she shows how the same rule can apply to ‘dead’ movies too.

The film centers on Jeff Matthews, a young lad played by Edward Furlong, looking like he just stepped off the Terminator 2 set and walked straight in front of the camera.

Jeff’s mum is a big movie star, but a freak electrocution accident on set leads to her ending up a bit less alive than she’d probably like (i.e. not at all) so his dad decides it’s probably best for he and Jeff to leave Hollywood and its bad memories behind them and start a new life elsewhere. Continue reading “Pet Sematary II (1992) review” →

Deadly Friend (1986) review

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Deadly Friend posterDirector: Wes Craven

Starring: Matthew Laborteaux, Kristy Swanson, Michael Sharrett, Anne Ramsey, Anne Twomey

“Wait, she’s dead? Hey, what the hell are you doing? You didn’t say anything about a dead body, we were supposed to save her life.” (Tom, Deadly Friend)

I never get tired of saying this, but God bless the 1980s. No other decade could give you a film with a plot that begins with “a boy, his mum and his robot move into a new house” and not have that be the oddest thing about it by the time the credits roll.

Deadly Friend is the work of director Wes Craven, fresh from finding new success with A Nightmare On Elm Street. It’s one of the oddest horror films you’ll see, but that’s perhaps not Craven’s fault. You see, he didn’t want to make a horror film at all. Continue reading “Deadly Friend (1986) review” →

uwantme2killhim? (2013) review

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uwantme2killhim posterDirector: Andrew Douglas

Starring: Jamie Blackley, Toby Regbo, Joanne Froggatt, Jaime Winstone, Liz White, Amy Wren

JanetD47695.gov.uk: HE HAS A GUN. IT’S VITAL WE STOP HIM.
M4RK_87: wot ru saying?
JanetD47695.gov.uk: YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING
M4RK_87: no
M4RK_87: i dont.
M4RK_87: u want me 2 kill him? thats wot ur askin me?
JanetD47695.gov.uk: YES.

Not only does uwantme2killhim? have one of the worst titles in the history of film, it’s also got a ridiculous plot involving a lead character whose stupidity leads to some frankly bizarre plot twists.

What’s remarkable, though, is that this isn’t the result of a screenwriter’s failure to come up with a believable plot. In fact, said protagonist was indeed a real person, and the bizarre web of events he finds himself tangled up in did actually happen in real life in Manchester. Continue reading “uwantme2killhim? (2013) review” →

The Taking Of Deborah Logan (2014) review

Published on by Chris Scullion4 Comments

The Taking Of Deborah Logan posterDirector: Adam Robitel

Starring: Jill Larson, Anne Ramsay, Michelle Ang, Ryan Cutrona

“I’m not interested in being exploited.” (Deborah, The Taking Of Deborah Logan)

It’s all well and good watching and writing about horror movies but there are some real-life horrors that are often far more terrifying than any creature that could be dreamed up by Hollywood.

A powerful example is Alzheimer’s disease, a horrendous condition that slowly eats away at the sufferer’s brain, initially inflicting short-term memory loss and ending with behavioural issues, an inability to recognise family members and ultimately early death.

This is a disease that can tear apart families and turn previously docile people into aggressive, sometimes violent shells of their former selves. As horrible as it is to say it, then, it’s a condition ripe for study in horror film.

It’s the central theme, at least initially, surrounding The Taking Of Deborah Logan, a found-footage style mockumentary about a film crew studying a woman’s struggle with Alzheimer’s and their discovery of something even worse. Continue reading “The Taking Of Deborah Logan (2014) review” →

Pet Sematary (1989) review

Published on by Chris Scullion3 Comments

Pet Sematary posterDirector: Mary Lambert

Starring: Dale Midkiff, Fred Gwynne, Denise Crosby, Brad Greenquist, Miko Hughes

“I’m at Judd’s, daddy. Will you come over and play with me? First I played with Judd, then mommy came and I played with mommy. We played, daddy! We had an awful good time. Now I want to play with yoooooou.” (Gage, Pet Sematary)

Losing a loved one is always a harrowing process, one in which you’re often at your lowest possible ebb. But what if there was a way to undo the process?

Specifically, what if there was a way to bring back the recently deceased and have them back in your life again?

What if the consequence of said person becoming an ex-corpse is they don’t behave like they did before pegging it? Would you still want to see their body alive even if their mind and personality wasn’t the same?

These are the questions raised by Pet Sematary, the 1989 movie based on Stephen King’s book of the same name and, I should probably just come out and declare at this early stage in the review, one of my favourite horror films ever. Continue reading “Pet Sematary (1989) review” →

The Basement (1989) review

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The Basement posterDirector: Timothy O’Rawe

Starring: Dennis Driscoll, Kathleen Heidinger, David Webber, Scott Corizzi

“You have gone where it is forbidden and released the evil. You must confess.” (The Sentinel, The Basement)

Here’s an interesting little oddity: an ultra low-budget anthology film that was never finished, left for dead and finally released more than 20 years later.

The Basement was a cheapo Super 8 film shot over 22 days in 1989 and “abandoned almost as quickly,” its director of photography Michael Raso recalls.

Rather than putting together the finished film, writer/director Tim O’Rawe decided to move to LA instead, leaving all the shot footage with Raso with the simple message: “Good luck.”

The Basement sat (appropriately) in Ruso’s basement, garage and storage units until finally, in 2010, a small DVD publisher called Camp Motion Pictures decided to take the film, give it a new audio mix and re-edit and finally release it.

The result is a hilariously bad movie with easily some of the worst acting I’ve ever seen, and considering the utter shite I’ve watched over the years that’s saying something. Continue reading “The Basement (1989) review” →

Evil Laugh (1986) review

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Evil Laugh posterDirector: Dominick Brascia

Starring: Ashlyn Gere, Steven Baio, Jerold Pearson, Jody Gibson

“These things don’t happen in New York. I just hope a guy in a hockey mask named Jason doesn’t show up.” (Barney, Evil Laugh)

Sometimes when I’m in the mood to watch a completely random horror film, I tend to use two qualifying questions: 1) Is it from the ’80s? and 2) Does it have a weird name?

It was this vetting process that led to my discovery of Evil Laugh, a 1986 slasher that has somehow slipped between the horror cracks over the years. This surprised me because I found it pretty bloody entertaining.

In it, a group of medical students (all of whom look much older than they’re probably supposed to be) travel to a large secluded house to help their friend fix it up and turn it into a foster home.

Sadly, there’s a slight issue with the house: it used to be an orphanage. That’s not the problem, mind. The problem is that ten years ago, all the adults and children living in it were slaughtered by a madman who then set the house on fire, dying himself in the blaze. Continue reading “Evil Laugh (1986) review” →

The Interview (2014) review

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The Interview posterDirectors: Evan Goldberg, Seth Rogen

Starring: James Franco, Seth Rogen, Randall Park, Lizzy Caplan, Diana Bang

SKYLARK – “Holy fuckamole! Is that tank real?”

KIM JONG-UN – “It was a gift to my grandfather from Stalin.”

SKYLARK – “In my country it’s pronounced ‘Stallone’.”

Few films have courted as much controversy as The Interview has this year.

Originally due for mainstream cinema release, an alleged North Korean hack of Sony Pictures and threats made to cinemas planning to show it caused the studio to initially pull the film shortly before it was due to come out.

After objections were raised by none other than President Obama, Sony Pictures did a u-turn and not only released the film in a select number of cinemas, but also made it available for purchase digitally. On Xbox. Despite being Sony.

Why the drama? Because the film takes the piss out of North Korean leader Kim Jong-un and has a plot based on an attempt to assassinate him.

This obviously isn’t the first time a comedy film’s mocked a present-day dictator: the Three Stooges did it way back in 1940 with You Nazty Spy, followed shortly by Charlie Chaplin’s fantastic The Great Dictator.

It isn’t even the first to mock a North Korean one, given Team America‘s less than glowing portrayal of the Great Leader’s dad, Kim Jong-il. However, it’s one of the rare occasions in which a film about a dictator-run country is met with condemnation and threats by said country before it’s even released.

Is the actual film itself worth all the fuss though? Well, having watched it I can proudly declare that the answer is an overwhelming “meh”. Continue reading “The Interview (2014) review” →

The Babadook (2014) review

Published on by Chris Scullion3 Comments

The Babadook posterDirector: Jennifer Kent

Starring: Essie Davis, Noah Wiseman, Daniel Henshall, Hayley McIlhinney, voice of Tim Purcell

AMELIA – “If the Babadook was real we’d see it right now, wouldn’t we?”
SAMUEL – “It wants to scare you first. Then you’ll see it.”
AMELIA – “Well, I’m not scared.”
SAMUEL – “You will be when it creeps into your room at night.”
AMELIA – “That’s enough.”
SAMUEL – “You will be when it eats your insides.”

Living in London as I currently do, I take the Tube into work. Right where I stand to wait for my train, there’s been a poster for The Babadook up on the wall for the last month or two.

I’ve spent so long studying that poster (as you do when you’re bored) I’ve memorised the four review quotes on it, and can recite them off by heart.

“There goes your peaceful night’s sleep,” reads one. “One of the strongest, most effective horror films of recent years,” declares another.

“Truly frightening,” a third simply states. And then, the fourth and final claim that truly piqued my interest: “A flat-out masterpiece.”

I was curious. After all, in my eyes the horror genre hasn’t been blessed with too many masterpieces in recent years. Sadly, having now watched The Babadook, that situation hasn’t changed for me. Continue reading “The Babadook (2014) review” →

Out now – That Was A Bit Mental: Volume 2 – The ebook!

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Hello Chris.

Why, hello there, imaginary reader that I’m using as a cliched way to introduce something by adding a humourous everyman ‘sidekick’! Long time no see.

TWABM 2 coverQuite. Where the fuck have you been?

Sorry?

I’ve been checking your site every day and you’ve barely posted anything in months. Pull the finger out, you complete wanker.

Steady on, mate. I’ve been busy, you know.

Busy with what? Your ‘job’?

No, with That Was A Bit Mental stuff.

But how…? That makes no sense.

I’ve been spending the last few months working on the That Was A Bit Mental Volume 2 ebook, you silly dick.

Ahhh, right. I get it now. When’s it going to be ready?

It’s ready now. Didn’t you read the headline?

Alright, you cheeky bastard. What’s in it then?

Another 100 reviews from the site in ‘Director’s Cut’ form, with all the typos fixed, all the shit jokes replaced with slightly less shit ones and generally made more entertaining. Continue reading “Out now – That Was A Bit Mental: Volume 2 – The ebook!” →