Review Index

Here’s a list of every film reviewed on That Was A Bit Mental, along with a quick description. I’m nice like that. Each review also comes with its own trailer and, where possible, a link to buy it from Amazon. If you decide you like the look of one of the films and want to buy it, please do it using one of the links because I get a tiny bit of commission that I can use to fund the site, remove ads, add storage space and so forth.

Current stats:

214 horror reviews
86 non-horror reviews
300 reviews in total


11/11/11 (2011)
Family moves to a new house, everyone on the street wants to kill the son because they think he’s the Antichrist. Tough neighbourhood

28 Days Later (2002)
Zombies run (not walk) around a deserted London

Alice Sweet Alice (1976)
A young Brooke Shields is killed and all signs point to her cow of an older sister. But could she really be the one doing it?

Alien (1979)
Mining ship lands on a suspicious planet, parasites get on board and start tearing shit up 

Aliens (1986)
The survivor from Alien joins a group of marines and goes back to the planet to wipe out the rest of the Aliens

Alien 3 (1992)
Ripley crash-lands on a prison planet, where there’s a dog Alien running around and no weapons to kill it with

Alien: Resurrection (1997)
A clone of the now-dead Ripley is created, but she’s got Alien blood inside her. Shits and/or giggles ensure

Alien Abduction (2014)
A family of five head out on a road trip that ends up less extra-curricular and more extra-terrestrial

Alien Terminator (1995)
Genetic experiment goes wrong in an underground lab and spawns a man in a bad monster costume

Alien Undead (2010)
Genetic experiment goes wrong in an underground lab and spawns multiple men in bad monster costumes. In Australia 

Alligator (1980)
Baby alligator dumped down the toilet feasts on genetically modified puppies, grows huge and terrorises Chicago

Amityville 3D (1983)
Haunted house shenanigans in not-very convincing 3D

The Amityville Asylum (2013)
Girl works in a nuthouse built on the old Amityville house’s land. The results are dismal – I’m talking about the film, mind

Arcade (1993)
An evil virtual reality machine, powered by the brain cells of  dead child, captures any teenager who plays it

The Attic (2013)
A family moves into a house after two children died in its swimming pool… but their dad is still living there. Guess where

AVP: Alien vs Predator (2004)
Two of cinema’s most iconic monsters go head-to-head. And for some reason, they’re doing it in an underground pyramid in Antarctica

Axe (1977)
On-the-run gang of crooks take solace in a girl’s country home but she’s not having any of it

The Babadook (2014)
A single mother is terrorised by a ghostly creature after her son reads about it in a creepy pop-up book

Bad Kids Go To Hell (2012)
Six teens spend their weekend at detention but is their school haunted by a Native American ghost?

Banshee Chapter (2013)
A journalist investigates the disappearance of her friend after he took a chemical apparently used by the CIA in human experiments

The Basement (1989)
A no-budget anthology movie that was abandoned in the late ’80s and finally completed and released in 2011

Behind The Mask: The Rise Of Leslie Vernon (2006)
Spoof documentary following a wannabe horror slasher

Beware: Children At Play (1989)
A group of missing children become cannibals and are then slaughtered by their parents in gory detail 

The Beyond (1981)
Woman moves to New Orleans to open a hotel. Turns out she’s only gone and bloody opened one built on a gateway to Hell 

Black Christmas (1974)
A bunch of students living together are terrorised by a weirdo leaving strange messages on their phone. What they don’t realise is that he’s calling from upstairs

The Blair Witch Project (1998)
Three students go into the woods to film a documentary but go missing, conveniently leaving their scary-as-shit footage behind

Bless The Child (2000)
Kim Basinger’s daughter has special powers that the devil wants to use for evil

Blood Car (2007)
In a world without petrol a nerdy vegan finds a way to power cars with blood, but can he stomach it?

Blood Feast (1963)
Arguably the first truly gory movie, in which a crazed party host plans to kill women to resurrect an Egyptian queen

Blood Glacier (2013)
Researchers in the German Alps come across a glacier dripping with a red ooze that turns the local wildlife into mutants

Bloody Birthday (1981)
A trio of 10-year-olds born during an eclipse start killing friends and family due to their lack of emotions

The Boneyard (1991)
A psychic, some policemen and morticians are stuck in a morgue with three zombie children and a soon-to-be- mutant poodle

Book Of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000)
A tour group decides to visit the scene of the original Blair Witch Project movie and end up caught in all manner of weird shit

Bride Of Chucky (1998)
Chucky gets himself a wife as a once-straight horror series turns into a horror comedy

Buffy The Vampire Slayer (1992)
The cult teen horror flick that spawned a much more popular TV series

Burial Ground (1981)
A bunch of zombies are unleashed on a mansion for no real reason. This results in the most uncomfortable breastfeeding scene in movie history

The Burning (1981)
After a prank at a summer camp goes wrong, a horribly burnt counsellor returns a decade later armed with a pair of garden shears

Cannibal (2010)
Arty French romance that isn’t as grotesque or visceral as the title would have you believe

Cannibal Holocaust (1980)
A crew of filmmakers go to South America to make a documentary on a tribe of cannibals and unwittingly turn it into a cookery show instead

Chernobyl Diaries (2012)
A bunch of tourists explore the abandoned nuclear town of Pripyat, but they aren’t alone

Children Of The Corn (1984)
Linda Hamilton and her husband find a small rural village populated solely by evil children

Children Of The Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1992)
A news reporter travels to the village from the first town and encounters the same evil children

Children Of The Corn III: Urban Harvest (1995)
Two brothers from the dodgy village move in with foster parents in Chicago and start plotting a dodgy scheme which involves a ridiculously large monster

Child’s Play (1988)
Chucky the killer doll tries to take over the soul of a young boy

Child’s Play 2 (1990)
Chucky the killer doll tries to take over the soul of the young boy again after messing up the first time

Child’s Play 3 (1991)
Chucky the killer doll tries to take over the soul of a different young boy at a military camp

Cloverfield (2008)
A giant praying mantis-type monster attacks New York, as documented by a guy who can’t hold a fucking camera steady for two seconds

The Company Of Wolves (1984)
A bizarre anthology of wolf-based stories from The Crying Game director Neil Jordan

Contamination (1980)
Alien eggs arrive on Earth, courtesy of a former Mars explorer being mind-controlled by an evil Cyclops. Plus there’s gore

The Craft (1996)
Four high school lasses decide to get all witchy up in this bitchy

Creep (2004)
German woman misses the last train at the London Underground, ends up being stalked by a deformed killer

The Creeps (1997)
A bumbling scientist accidentally summons midget versions of Dracula, Frankenstein’s monster, the Wolfman and the Mummy

Creepshow (1982)
George Romeo and Stephen King’s ace five-tale anthology of comic-style horror tales

Creepshow 3 (2006)
Disappointing horror anthology with confusing stories and horrible acting

Critters (1986)
A group of furry little aliens lands on Earth and starts eating people so a pair of bounty hunters are sent from space to destroy them

Curse Of Chucky (2013)
Everyone’s favourite killer doll returns to joke-free horror

Damien: Omen II (1978)
Son of the devil goes to a military camp and starts some shit there

Dangerous Worry Dolls (2008)
Woman in prison prays to some dolls and a skull appears in her forehead for some reason

Dawn Of The Dead (1978)
The definitive zombie film. Four people find themselves trapped in a mall swarming with the living dead

Dead Heat (1988)
A cop is killed and turned into a zombie. He needs to stop the man responsible before he rots away

Dead Silence (2007)
Mental dead ventriloquist woman murders people from beyond the grave with haunted dummies

Dead Space: Downfall (2008)
A prequel to the Dead Space video games, showing how a bunch of nasty Necromorphs invaded a mining ship with dismal results (in more ways than one)

Deadly Blessing (1981)
Sharon Stone and chums are hassled in the countryside by a group of strict religious types in this Wes Craven film with an insane ending

Deadly Friend (1986)
Your typical ‘boy meets girl, girl dies, boy swaps her brain for his pet robot’s CPU and reanimates her’ story

Deadtime Stories: Volume 1 (2009)
George Romero “presents” this horrible collection of atrocious short stories 

Demons Never Die (2011)
London-based slasher where all the victims are suicidal anyway. Features a cameo by Tulisa from N-Dubz 

Dinoshark (2010)
A dinosaur crossed with a shark decides it’s time to eat some Mexicans

Dolls (1987)
A family seeks refuge from a rainstorm by heading to a giant mansion. Inside is an elderly couple who happens to make killer dolls

Drag Me To Hell (2009)
Sam Raimi’s hilariously gruesome tale of a cursed button and an evil gypsy woman

Elvira’s Haunted Hills (2001)
Sultry scream queen sexpot in a medieval horror comedy with enough tit jokes for everyone

The Evil Dead (1981)
A group of chums go for a break in a cabin by the woods and inadvertently recite an incantation that awakens the dead

Evil Dead II: Dead By Dawn (1987)
Continuing where the original left off, Ash continues to fight the evil force that led to the possession and death of his friends

Evil Laugh (1986)
A bunch of medical students meet up to repair their friend’s remote house, unaware it was home to a mass slaughter a decade ago

Evil Never Dies (2013)
Former gangster is let out of prison after serving for murder, only to be accused of another string of grisly murders. Oh, and he’s psychic

Exorcismus (2010)
An English teen becomes possessed by the devil and starts being a bit of an arsehole to her family 

The Exorcist (1973)
Little girl is possessed by the devil and starts breaking every taboo known to man

The Exorcist: The Version You’ve Never Seen (2000)
Remastered version of the 1973 original with new, controversial scenes added

Exorcist II: The Heretic (1977)
This sequel to one of the greatest horror films ever somehow manages to be one of the worst

The Eye (2002)
Terrifying Asian horror in which a blind woman receives a transplant and is given the eyes of someone who could see ghosts

Faces Of Death (1978)
Grim video nasty showing footage of dead bodies and animal killings – some fake, some horribly real

The Final Conflict (1981)
The third story in the Omen series sees a now adult Damien trying to kill the second coming of Christ

Final Destination (2000)
Lad gets a premonition of a plane crash and so doesn’t take his scheduled flight. Plane explodes, weird shit goes down

Friday The 13th (1980)
A group of nubile, sexually active teens are slaughtered at a summer camp by someone who actually isn’t Jason

Friday The 13th Part 2 (1981)
Another group of nubile, sexually active teens are slaughtered near a summer camp by someone who actually is Jason this time

Friday The 13th Part III (1982)
A third group of nubile, sexually active teens are slaughtered at a cabin in the woods by Jason, who also finds a hockey mask

Friday The 13th: The Final Chapter (1984)
Yet another group of nubile, sexually active teens are slaughtered at a house by Jason, who then faces off against Corey Feldman

Friday The 13th Part V: A New Beginning (1985)
A group of mentally challenged nubile, sexually active teens are slaughtered by a chap who certainly appears to be Jason

Friday The 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986)
Another group of nubile, sexually active teens are slaughtered by the reanimated corpse of the actual Jason this time

Friday The 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988)
A group of nubile, sexually active teens are slaughtered by Jason Voorhees, except one of them has telekinesis and fights back

Friday The 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)
A group of nubile, sexually active teens are slaughtered by Jason Voorhees on a boat. Then he gets to New York and kills more

Fright Night (1985)
A young horror-obsessed lad thinks a vampire has moved in next door, so he enlists a TV actor who played a vampire hunter to help him kill it

Frost (2012)
Glacier researchers in the Arctic comes across… um, something. It’s never really explained all that well

Ghostwatch (1992)
Fake BBC reality TV show about a haunted house. So convincing it led to a real-life suicide

The Gingerdead Man (2005)
Group of teens in a bakery are tormented by a small baked murderer played by Gary Busey

The Gingerdead Man 2: Passion Of The Crust (2008)
Small baked murderer moves onto a filmset in this surprisingly clever piss-take of low-budget moviemaking

The Godsend (1980)
A family raises an abandoned baby who then starts killing their other biological children

Gremlins (1984)
Cuddly creature gives birth to a horde of troublesome imps in a Christmas horror comedy

Gremlins 2: The New Batch (1990)
Cuddly creature gives birth to a horde of troublesome imps in a non-Christmas comedy horror

Halloween (1978)
Michael Myers escapes from a madhouse and returns to his hometown to try and kill Jamie Lee Curtis

Halloween (2007)
Rob Zombie’s take on the John Carpenter original goes down the gritty, visually shocking route

Halloween II (1981)
Michael Myers continues to stalk Jamie Lee Curtis, this time following her to a hospital

Halloween III: Season Of The Witch (1982)
The one without Michael Myers in it. A madman wants to harness the power of Stonehenge to kill children with Halloween masks

Halloween 4: The Return Of Michael Myers (1988)
The Shape returns to terrorise an eight-year-old girl and show the world that he can still do generic slasher movies with the best of them

Halloween 5: The Revenge Of Michael Myers (1989)
Michael Myers isn’t dead yet, unsurprisingly, so he’s back to stalk his niece again in what was the worst Halloween yet

Halloween: The Curse Of Michael Myers (1995)
Michael Myers returns to kill his niece and her newborn son in this confusing cult-themed mess

Halloween H20: 20 Years Later (1998)
Michael Myers is back again, but this time so is Jamie Lee Curtis. Quality is restored

Halloween: Resurrection (2002)
After sorting out his beef with Jamie Lee Curtis, Michael Myers turns his attention to the six teens filming an online reality show in his house

Happy Birthday To Me (1981)
A teenage girl’s friends start dying one by one, and she starts to worry it may have something to do with her past and an ill-fated birthday party

A Haunting At Silver Falls (2013)
After her parents die, Jordan moves in with her aunt and uncle. But there are twin ghosts with unfinished business lurking around

Hellgate (1989)
A dead teenager is resurrected by her dad so she can seduce men and bring back to her ghost town so he can kill them. Look, the whole thing makes very little sense

Heretic (2012)
A haunted priest returns to the home where two of his parishioners committed suicide

Hideous! (1997)
Two mutant collectors fight over a mutated foetus while other mutants watch on and do very little

Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers (1988)
A private dick tries to rescue a missing girl who’s joined a cult of chainsaw-worshipping prostitutes

The House Of Him (2014)
A misogynist killer prepares to claim his 27th victim, but something more powerful is going on in his house

House Of Wax (2005)
Paris Hilton, Elisha Cuthbert and chums find a town where two nutters turn people into wax models

The Human Centipede (First Sequence) (2009)
Creepy German doctor kidnaps three victims and sews them arse-to-mouth to create a single creature

Humanoids From The Deep (1980)
Slimy half-man half-fish monsters invade a small fishing community, slaughtering the men and raping the woman. And killing dogs too

The Island Of Dr Moreau (1977)
A shipwrecked sailor washes ashore on an island where a mad scientist is turning animals into humans

It Follows (2014)
A teenage girl is stalked by a ghostly killer that constantly walks towards her and never stops

Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday (1993)
The ninth (and worst) entry in the Friday The 13th series, in which Jason’s spirit possesses numerous hapless sods

Jason X (2001)
The tenth Friday The 13th film, in which Jason goes to space and is turned into a robotic killing machine

Jaws 2 (1978)
Another shark comes to Amity Island so it’s up to Chief Brody to boot its arse

Killer Klowns From Outer Space (1988)
A bunch of aliens dressed like clowns arrive in a small rural town and start imprisoning the townsfolk in candyfloss cocoons

Killjoy (2000)
Ghetto kid sick of being picked on uses voodoo to resurrect an evil gangsta clown demon

The Langoliers (1995)
A group of people wake up during a flight and realise all the other passengers and crew have disappeared

The Last Exorcism (2010)
A disillusioned exorcist decides to pack it in, but not before exposing the whole thing as a fraud. Is it, though?

The Last Exorcism Part II (2013)
The girl from the first film is sent to a home to get better but the demon that possessed her isn’t finished with her yet

Leprechaun In The Hood (2000)
Mythical Irish midget travels to the ghetto to get his magic flute back from Ice-T 

Lockjaw (2008)
DMX tries to act as a giant snake-crocodile thing starts gobbling up horrendous actors 

Lord Of Illusions (1995)
A private detective investigates the deaths of former members of a magic cult whose leader was ‘killed’ more than a decade ago

The Lost Boys (1987)
Corey Haim and Corey Feldman team up to stop a vampire Keifer Sutherland turning teens into blood-suckers

Mega Piranha (2010)
Special forces tough guy teams up with Tiffany to stop a wave of mutated piranha fish swallowing Florida

Mega Python Vs Gatoroid (2011)
Tiffany and Debbie Gibson clash heads as giant snakes and alligators do the same

My Bloody Valentine (1981)
A group of teens have a Valentine’s dance, 20 years after a madman said he’d kill anyone who tried to have one

My Little Eye (2002)
Five people take part in an online reality show with one mission: stay in a house for six months and win $1 million. But then people start to die

Nazis At The Center Of The Earth (2012)
A group of scientists in Antartica find a hidden underground complex where Nazis are trying to resurrect Hitler and put him in a giant robot

Night Of The Bloody Apes (1969)
Doctor’s son is dying so he replaces his heart with a gorilla’s, but the son becomes half-gorilla and wrecks the joint

Night Of The Living Dead (1968)
Zombies attack a small cabin in the woods in this seminal movie masterpiece

Night Train Murders (1975)
A pair of girls get an overnight train from Germany to Italy, but they encounter a trio of evil buggers

Nightbreed (1990)
Chap gets killed by a bunch of monsters, but then joins the group and vows to fight the local police

A Nightmare On Elm Street (1984)
Razor-fingered Freddy Krueger stalks the teenagers of Springwood in their dreams

A Nightmare On Elm Street Part 2: Freddy’s Revenge (1985)
Freddy’s back, this time in one of the most unintentionally homoerotic films ever made

A Nightmare On Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987)
Patients in a young persons’ asylum combine forces to fight Freddy as he invades their dreams

A Nightmare On Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988)
Freddy comes face to face with a teenager who can inherit the abilities of her friends every time he kills one

A Nightmare On Elm Street 5: The Dream Child (1989)
Freddy returns once again, this time using the constant dream state of a pregnant woman’s unborn child to reach and kill her friends

The Omen (1976)
An influential US politician adopts a child who happens to be the son of the Devil

One Hour Photo (2002)
Robin Williams plays it serious as a disturbed photo developer who becomes obsessed with the family of one of his customers

Paranormal Activity (2007)
A couple record the events on a video camera as a demon tries to terrorise them 

Paranormal Activity 2 (2010)
A couple record the events on a video camera as a demon tries to terrorise them. And steal their baby

Pet Sematary (1989)
A doctor’s cat dies and is mysteriously resurrected when he buries it in cursed ground. Then his son dies: guess what he does next

Pet Sematary II (1992)
A father and his son move to the town from the first movie. Cue more resurrected animals and people, only not as good

Phantasm (1979)
A young lad and his older brother try to figure out what a creepy tall undertaker is doing with the bodies he’s supposed to be burying

The Phantom Of The Opera (1989)
Robert Englund plays the Phantom in this slasher-ised retelling of the classic Gaston Leroux novel

Piranha (2010)
Women get their tits out for half an hour before killer fish turn up to spoil the party 

Please Don’t Eat My Mother (1973)
Pervert buys a plant that grows ten feet tall and wants to eat people

Poltergeist (1982)
An evil spirit inhabits a family home and kidnaps their young daughter, dragging her to a parallel dimension

Poltergeist (2015)
An evil spirit inhabits a family home and kidnaps their young daughter, dragging her to a parallel dimension. Only shitter

The Prophecy (1995)
Christopher Walken is a fallen angel come to Earth to steal a dead colonel’s soul from the mouth of a young girl

Psycho II (1983)
Norman Bates returns and starts seeing his mum again. Is it really her, though?

Pumpkinhead (1988)
Lance Henriksen summons a demon to fuck up the bikers who killed his son

Puppet Master (1989)
A group of psychics stay at a hotel where it’s said a puppeteer once brought a bunch of dolls to life. Turns out they’re still there

Puppet Master II (1990)
Yup, they’re still there. And this time they’re trying to bring their puppeteer back to life so they can keep living

Puppet Master III: Toulon’s Revenge (1991)
A prequel in which puppet maker Andre Toulon tries to stop the Nazis stealing his living dolls

Puppet Master 4 (1993)
Toulon’s puppets team up with an AI researcher to defeat a bunch of evil creatures sent by a demon from another dimension. Yes, I know

Puppet Master 5: The Final Chapter (1994)
Pissed off that his creatures couldn’t kill Toulon’s puppets, the demon sends his soul to Earth inside another puppet to finish the job himself

Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (2010)
Excavation site in Finland digs up a frozen man believed to be an evil Santa Claus 

Rasen (1998)
Alternative sequel to Ringu which was oddly released on the same day

Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2022)
A retelling of the events of the first two games in the Resident Evil series

Resurrecting The Street Walker (2009)
Fake documentary about a wannabe filmmaker trying to finish an abandoned ’80s video nasty and going slowly insane with the stress

Resurrection Of The Mummy (2014)
A young archaeologist and her super-keen pals team up with her estranged father to dig up an old mummy’s tomb

Return To Sleepaway Camp (2008)
The owners of the original film’s camp start up a new one but the killings predictably begin again

The Ring (2002)
American remake of Ringu that looks the part and provides a decent alternative plot too 

The Ring Virus (1999)
Korean remake of Ringu that looks the part but is underwhelming at best

Ringu (1998)
The freaky girl-in-a-dress movie that kickstarted the Japanese horror craze

Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare (1987)
A Canadian heavy metal rocker tries his hand at acting and screenwriting by putting himself in a movie where he fights the Devil. Shitness ensues.

Rubber (2010)
A rubber tyre rolls around the desert, blowing things up with its psychic powers

Scream (1996)
Teens are killed while making hilariously knowing references to horror film cliches

Scream 2 (1997)
More teens are killed while referencing slightly less horror cliches than before

Scream 3 (2000)
Even more teens are killed while barely referencing any horror cliches

Scream 4 (2011)
Yet more teens are killed while referencing new horror cliches created since the last one

Scream: The TV Series (2015)
A brand new story that pretty much has nothing to do with Scream but still has loads of deaths and that

Scream Bloody Murder (2000)
So-bad-it’s-good slasher that rips off umpteen films and still manages to suck balls

Seed Of Chucky (2004)
Chucky and Tiffany realise they’ve got a long-lost gender-confused child

Sharktopus (2010)
A genetic experiment goes wrong, creating a shark that you can’t escape on land

The Shrine (2010)
A trio of journalists go to a remote Polish village where a cult wants to kill them for a surprisingly understandable reason

Silent Hill (2006)
Messed-up, atmospheric haunted town thriller based on the popular survival horror video games

Silent House (2011)
Elizabeth Olsen returns to her childhood home but encounters… well, let’s just say it’s not very nice

Slaughter High (1986)
Bullied student is scarred for life after a horrible accident, returns five years later to kill his tormentors

Sleepaway Camp (1983)
Cheesy camp slasher with one of the genuinely greatest endings in cinematic history

Sleepaway Camp II: Unhappy Campers (1988)
Boobs and blood galore in this summer camp cheesefest with a morally sound killer

Sleepaway Camp III: Teenage Wasteland (1989)
More boobs but less blood galore as Angela returns to dish out more moral punishment

Snakes On A Train (2006)
Cursed woman vomits snakes which then terrorise passengers. Typical Virgin Trains

The Spanish Chainsaw Massacre (2013)
A band’s tour bus breaks down so they travel to a tiny village where everyone’s a cannibal. Not as fun as it sounds

Spirit Trap (2005)
Billie Piper and some other randoms move into a house which contains a haunted clock

Splice (2009)
A pair of genetic engineers splice human and animal DNA to make a creature that’s a bit shaggy and a tad killy

Suspiria (1977)
An American teenager travels to Germany to attend a prestigious dance school, but she soon finds it’s run by a coven of witches

Swamp Shark (2011)
A shark ends up in a swamp and Kristy Swanson has to go and kill it. Unlucky, love 

The Taking Of Deborah Logan (2014)
A medical documentary following a woman with Alzheimer’s takes a dark turn when it turns out she’s suffering from something else

The Tenant (2012)
David Arquette moves next door to a family and begins to creep them out. And not just because he’s David Arquette

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)
Five teens encounter a psycho cannibal family. Meathooks, hammers and chainsaws galore

The Thing (2011)
The events leading up to the 1982 John Carpenter classic are finally revealed 

Thinner (1996)
Fat lad accidentally kills an old Gypsy woman. Her family curses him and he starts losing weight at a worrying rate

Troll (1986)
A troll takes over an apartment block and tries to turn it into a forest that reminds him of home

Troll 2 (1990)
A family moves into a town inhabited by trolls in what is famously one of the worst movies ever created

Troll Hunter (2010)
Massive hairy monsters invade Norway in this Blair Witch-style “documentary”

The Tunnel (2011)
Australian found-footage flick in which four journalists head down into Sydney’s underground tunnel and get more than they bargained for

Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me (1992)
A film based on David Lynch’s hit TV series, showing what happened during the days leading up to Laura Palmer’s death

Unfriended (2014)
On the anniversary of a teenager’s suicide, she returns to torment her friends during their Skype group chat

Urban Explorers (2011)
Four tourists explore Berlin’s hidden underground bunkers and get more than they bargained for… unless they bargained for a killer madman, of course

The Vault Of Horror (1973)
Five men recollect dreams they had which involve them dying in gruesome and inventive ways

V/H/S (2012)
A collection of five found-footage horror stories, all presented as if they were playing on VHS tapes

The Wasp Woman (1959)
The owner of a cosmetics firm tries a serum that reverses ageing. Unfortunately, it also turns her into a giant killer wasp monster. Swings and roundabouts

The Witch Who Came From The Sea (1976)
A woman who was abused as a child deals with her trauma by cutting men’s knobs off

Zombie Strippers (2008)
A zombie gets into a strip club and attacks one of the strippers. Guess what happens next


9/11 (2002)
A gripping documentary capturing events both inside and outside the World Trade Center

Actium Maximus: War Of The Alien Dinosaurs
Giant dinosaurs fight in an arena while a robot dictator plots the genocide of an entire species. Infinitely worse than it sounds

Airplane vs Volcano (2014)
Dean Cain tries to fly a plane over a bunch of erupting volcanoes for an hour and a half

Any Given Sunday (1999)
Al Pacino plays an aging American football coach struggling to control his new superstar quarterback 

Argo (2012)
Ben Affleck tries to smuggle six Americans out of Iran during a revolution by pretending they’re a film crew

Attack Of The Super Monsters (1982)
Big rubber dinosaurs attack Japan in this part-anime, part-monster movie madfest

Bad Channels (1992)
Aliens invade a radio station and start kidnapping women by using its switchboard to suck them through the phone lines

Battle Royale (2000)
Japanese schoolkids are dumped on an island and made to kill each other

Battle Royale II: Requiem (2003)
More Japanese schoolkids are dumped on the same island and made to kill the previous survivor

Best Worst Movie (2009)
A documentary recalling the creation of Troll 2, arguably the worst film ever made 

Beyond The Mat (1999)
A surprising documentary exposing the unseen backstage world of professional wrestling

Bruce Lee Fights Back From The Grave (1976)
A man who definitely isn’t Bruce Lee does some fighting, none of which is back from any graves

The Care Bears Movie (1985)
An evil book threatens to fuck up the Earth and, subsequently, the Care Bears’ world too

Cavegirl (1985)
A bullied nerd accidentally travels back to prehistoric times. There he meets a cute cavegirl, who he decides to try to have sex with. Sigh

Chronicle (2012)
Three teens get superpowers and struggle to use them responsibly, leading to shit going down 

Confessions (2010)
Incredible Japanese movie about a school teacher who decides to punish two of her students for murdering her young daughter

Crimewave (1985)
Sam Raimi, Bruce Campbell and the Coen brothers collaborate in a quirky crime comedy that was ruined by a film studio

Cube (1997)
Six prisoners awaken inside a massive cube and have no idea why they’re there or how to get out

The Day After (1983)
A nuclear bomb is dropped on Kansas, so Steve Guttenberg and others have to fight for survival

Death Watch (1980)
Forgotten drama set in Scotland in which a terminally ill woman tries to escape being filmed for a reality TV show by a man with a camera in his eye

Devil Girl From Mars (1954)
A leather-clad feminist Martian lands in the Scottish highlands looking for a man to take back to Mars with her so he can impregnate the population. As you do.

The Diary of Anne Frank (2009)
Mostly accurate portrayal of the tragic tale of a bunch of Jews hiding from Nazis during WWII

Doctor Mordrid (1992)
Sorcerer waits in New York for 150 years to stop his nemesis returning to Earth and wrecking the joint

Dollman (1991)
Kick-ass hero from another planet comes to Earth and realises he’s only thirteen inches tall 

Drive (2011)
Part-time stuntman, part-time getaway driver gets caught up in a sticky situation involving his neighbour and her ex-con hubby 

Election (1999)
Matthew Broderick is a beloved teacher turned nasty when he tries to rig an election so prize student Reese Withspoon doesn’t win

Exam (2009)
Ten candidates at a job interview are given a blank sheet of paper and told to answer a question that doesn’t exist

The Exterminator (1980)
Vietnam vet decides to fight New York crime after his buddy is mugged

For Y’ur Height Only (1981)
A 2’9″ Filipino spy tries to take down an evil organisation hell-bent on world domination

Full Metal Jacket (1987)
Stanley Kubrick does Vietnam in this shocking and disjointed war epic

Gone Girl (2014)
Ben Affleck’s wife goes missing on their fifth anniversary and the press becomes slowly more convinced he killed her

Hell Comes To Frogtown (1988)
Rowdy Roddy Piper is tasked with repopulating the human race in a post-apocalyptic Earth while also fighting frog people

Hitchcock (2012)
The real-life story of director Alfred Hitchcock and the making of his most famous movie, Psycho

Hobo With A Shotgun (2011)
Homeless chap decides to take the law into his own hands and bring peace to a lawless neighbourhood. With a shotgun

The House In The Woods (1957)
A couple move to a remote house in the English countryside but its owner is a bit of a dodgy bastard

Icetastrophe (2014)
A meteor crash-lands next to a small mountain down and freezes everything for some reason

The Interview (2014)
Seth Rogen and James Franco travel into North Korea to interview (and try to assassinate) dictator Kim Jong-un

Jurassic Park (1993)
Dino theme park goes into meltdown when a fat nerd cuts the power 

Jurassic Park III (2001)
Sam Neill heads back into Dinotown to have a chat with the raptors 

Jurassic World (2015)
The theme park is finally open to visitors, but things go tits-up when a genetically modified super-dino breaks free

The Killers (1964)
A hitman played by Lee Marvin tries to find out why his target didn’t run when he was shot

Killers From Space (1954)
A military scientist is captured by the shittest aliens ever and made to help them conquer the world

The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997)
More dino daftness as a second island containing more dinosaurs is explored

Major League (1989)
Charlie Sheen joins a baseball team full of no-hopers deliberately chosen to lose and get relocated. Genuine hilarity ensues

Miss Peregrine’s Home For Peculiar Children (2016)
A young lad discovers a school full of children who have special abilities. It’s basically a Tim Burton version of an X-Men movie

MoniKa: A Wrong Way To Die (2012)
Chap goes to Vegas, then meets and dates a girl. Problem is, she’s already been killed

Monster House (2006)
Three kids try to solve the mystery of a house that’s seemingly swallowing residents 

The Monster Squad (1987)
Mix the Goonies with Universal monsters to get this fun children’s adventure

The Muppets (2011)
Kermit and crew have to reform for one more show to save their beloved studio 

Nick Fury: Agent Of Shield (1998)
David Hasselhoff plays Marvel’s eyepatch-wearing prick who has to save Manhattan from a deadly virus

Not Another Teen Movie (2001)
A surprisingly good spoof of teen flicks from the ’80s and ’90s. Worth a watch, believe it or not 

Pee-wee’s Big Adventure (1985)
Innocent man-child travels across America in search of his stolen bicycle

Phantom Of The Paradise (1974)
Wronged music composer dons a helmet and threatens to destroy a concert hall’s opening night. Cue loads of mental glam rock stuff

Planet Of The Apes (1968)
Charlton Heston goes forward in time and lands on a planet where simians rule the roost

Religulous (2008)
American commentator Bill Maher travels round various religious places telling people there that they’re dicks 

The Rise And Fall Of A White-Collar Hooligan (2012)
Misleading British crime film that has nothing to do with football hooliganism at all

Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes (2011)
Prequel to the ’60s classic which shows how the apes first started their revolt against humans

Robocop (1987)
A hotshot cop is killed by a crime lord, but his body is used to created the robotic future of law enforcement

Robocop 2 (1990)
Robo returns to rid Detroit of a new killer drug called Nuke, while also dealing with a nasty new replacement robot

Robocop 3 (1993)
Robot ninjas, jetpacks, Robocop driving a pink pimpmobile… surprisingly, Robocop 3 features all three of these and more

Robot Wars (1993)
An old disused giant robot mech is dug up to fight a giant robot scorpion. Giant robot fighting ensues

Rollerball (1975)
In the future, there is no war: only Rollerball, an odd sport in which guys on rollerskates and motorbikes beat the shit out of each other

Rollerball (2002)
A soulless remake of the ’70s original with all the good bits taken out and replaced with nu-metal music and that lacrosse prick from American Pie

Sausage Party (2016)
Animated hijinks as a sausage and a bun try to escape a supermarket to find the promised land

Scooby-Doo! Wrestlemania Mystery (2014)
The Scooby gang head to WWE City to help Vince McMahon, John Cena and chums defeat an evil ghost bear

The Self-Destruction Of The Ultimate Warrior (2005)
Surprising official WWE documentary in which stars past and present line up to slag off a one-time superstar

Sin City (2005)
An anthology of film noir stories based on Frank Miller’s stunning comic book series

Snowpiercer (2013)
Following a second ice age, the last surviving humans on Earth struggle to co-exist on a perpetually moving train

Spirited Away (2001)
Amazing Japanese animation in which a young lass tries to rescue her parents from a spirit world

Super 8 (2011)
A group of kids shooting an amateur movie unwittingly become embroiled in an alien conspiracy

Taken (2008)
Liam Neeson’s daughter is kidnapped in Paris, so he goes there and kills loads of people to find her

Taken 2 (2012)
Liam Neeson is kidnapped in Istanbul, so his daughter (who’s already there) kills significantly fewer people to find him

Teen Wolf (1985)
Michael J Fox realises he can turn into a werewolf and play basketball like a fucking boss

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)
Four mutated turtles team up with a news reporter to rescue their human-sized rat master from the evil Shredder

Test Tube Teens From The Year 2000 (1994)
Two teens from the future go back in time to stop the headmistress of an all-girl school from taking over the world and banning sex

Turkey Shoot (1982)
A group of prisoners are freed from an evil dictator’s death camp and hunted by the dictator and his cronies

Twilight (2008)
Teen meets vampire, not much else happens for 110 minutes 

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 (2011)
Vampire gets teen pregnant, then everyone sits around looking all nervous for a while

Twin Peaks Season 1 (1990)
A teenage girl’s body washes up on the beach of a quiet mountain town, so an FBI agent is sent to investigate

Twin Peaks Season 2 (1990-91)
The case of Laura Palmer’s death is finally solved, but there are otherworldly goings-on yet to be discovered

Twin Peaks international pilot (1990)
An alternative standalone version of the Twin Peaks pilot, featuring an actual ending and a different killer

Twin Peaks: The Missing Pieces (1992/2014)
An hour and a half of long-lost deleted scenes from David Lynch’s film Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me

uwantme2killhim? (2013)
A British schoolboy gets involved in an internet relationship that goes downhill when he’s asked to kill his best friend

Voyage Of The Rock Aliens (1984)
A group of music-loving extraterrestrials land on Earth to try to find the source of rock music

Where Do We Go From Here? (2015)
A kind-hearted care home worker decides to bust out three residents to give them the road trip of their life while he tries to find love

Zardoz (1974)
Sean Connery plays a mortal who finds himself in a land of immortals. Oh, and he wears tiny red pants for some reason

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