Author: Chris Scullion

Chris Scullion is a Scottish video games journalist who's been covering video games professionally for 16 years. For the first six years of his career he worked at the Official Nintendo Magazine in the UK, then became the Games Editor of CVG before its untimely end. After setting up his own site, Tired Old Hack, Chris then joined Video Games Chronicle (VGC) where he is currently Features Editor. He has a passion for retro games and cataloguing their history, hence his ongoing series of console encyclopedia books (search his name on Amazon).

Spirit Trap (2005) review

Published on January 6, 2014January 6, 2014 by Chris ScullionLeave a comment

Director: David Smith

Starring: Billie Piper, Luke Mably, Sam Troughton, Emma Catherwood, Alsou

JENNY – “It’s a spirit clock. My mum had one.”

ADELE – “So what does it do? Horoscopes or something?”

JENNY – “It’s supposed to be a bridge between our world and the next. It’s a load of crap, really.”

True story: as Billie Piper was flying to Romania to film Spirit Trap, she received a call from her agent telling her she’d just landed the part of Rose Tyler, the assistant in BBC’s reboot of Doctor Who.

Excited, Billie turned to her Spirit Trap co-star Sam Troughton to share her good news. “That’s a coincidence,” Sam replied. “Back in the ’60s, my grandfather, Patrick Troughton, played the second Doctor.”

Interesting stuff eh? Shame they didn’t make a film out of that story instead, because Spirit Trap is a bucket of gash. Continue reading “Spirit Trap (2005) review” →

Sleepaway Camp II: Unhappy Campers (1988) review

Published on January 5, 2014January 9, 2014 by Chris Scullion1 Comment

Director: Michael A Simpson

Starring: Pamela Springsteen, Renee Estevez, Tony Higgins

Also known as: Nightmare Vacation II (UK VHS)

ANGELA – “I did my time. Two years of therapy, electroshock, was on every pill you ever heard of, plus an operation. I’m completely cured. If I wasn’t they wouldn’t have let me out. How do you know so much about me?”

SEAN – “My dad’s a cop. He helped arrest you. You should have heard him the day you got out.”

ANGELA – “That’s too bad. Wait until he hears what’s happened to you.”

Warning: The following review spoils the identity of the killer in the original Sleepaway Camp. However, it does not spoil its big twist ending, so if you don’t mind knowing who the killer was you can feel free to read on, safe in the knowledge you’re still in for a shock when you watch the original. Which you really should, you know.

Sleepaway Camp caused something of a dilemma. When you end a film in such a shocking, outrageous manner, how exactly can you follow that up? Sleepaway Camp II decided the answer was to give the original’s killer a completely different personality.

Years after butchering a load of kids in Camp Arawak all those years ago, Angela Baker has gone through extensive electro-shock therapy and psychiatric treatment. She decides the best thing to do is get a job as a counsellor at a new summer camp, seeing as everything went so well the last time. Continue reading “Sleepaway Camp II: Unhappy Campers (1988) review” →

Celebrity Big Brother 2014 – Liveblog

Published on January 3, 2014January 5, 2014 by Chris ScullionLeave a comment

If you’re like me you’re morbidly curious every time Celebrity Big Brother comes around. It’s the lowest of the low but, just like an old person slipping on the snow and breaking a leg, you can’t help but stop there and wince before getting on with your life.

With that in mind I’ve decided to revive one of the most popular articles on That Was A Bit Mental, the Celebrity Big Brother opening show liveblog.

From 9pm tonight (which at the time of writing is just under an hour away) I’ll be giving you commentary on the show, discussing each celebrity housemate as they’re revealed and, inevitably, admitting I don’t have the faintest fucking clue who they are.

Sadly, I don’t have fancy auto-updating abilities and can’t sort them out at such short notice so you’ll have to make do with refreshing the page to get new comments.

I hope you’ll join me for Celebrity Big Brother 2014, so we can ‘enjoy’ discovering this year’s batch of E-listers together. Continue reading “Celebrity Big Brother 2014 – Liveblog” →

The TWABM ebook – sale now on!

Published on January 3, 2014March 21, 2014 by Chris Scullion1 Comment

Hey! You there. Haven’t you bought the That Was A Bit Mental Volume 1 ebook yet?

If not, you are to be rewarded for your apathy and/or laziness, because I’m dropping the price for a limited time to mark the New Year.

Yes, for a short period you can now download the ebook for only £0.99 / $1.59, instead of the usual price of £2.22 / $3.49.

That’s less than a quid for 350 pages of sarcastic cult movie reviews, a hundred of the buggers in total. And you probably can’t say fairer than that – though to be fair I haven’t researched that claim much.

So pop over to Amazon and get That Was A Bit Mental Volume 1 now from the Kindle store while it’s dirt cheap. You don’t need to have a Kindle – it also works a treat on the Kindle app on iOS, Android and Windows.

NOTE: For some reason Amazon can be a little weird when I try to change the price, so you may be charged a couple of pence more (at the time of writing, for example, it’s £1.02 instead of £0.99).

Just Say Hi – Just watch it

Published on December 15, 2013December 15, 2013 by Chris Scullion3 Comments

A few weeks back the 2013 Virgin Media Shorts award winners were announced.

If you aren’t familiar with it, it’s a competition in which emerging filmmakers can submit their own short movies in the hopes of winning £30,000 to go towards the shooting of their next film.

While the Grand Prize went to Nimer Rashed and his short film Touch, it was John McPhail and his crew at Worrying Drake Productions who won the hearts of the common man by winning both the public-voted awards: the Nikon People’s Choice award and the Tivo award.

A disclaimer: I’m biased because John’s a friend of mine. But even if he wasn’t I still would have voted for his film, Just Say Hi, because it’s just so bloody adorable.

Have a gander at the short for yourself to see what I mean. Congrats Johnny boy: can’t wait to see what you come up with next.

Friday The 13th Part VII: The New Blood pic 1

Friday The 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988) review

Published on December 7, 2013June 2, 2014 by Chris Scullion2 Comments

Director: John Carl Buechler

Starring: Lar Park-Lincoln, Terry Kisser, Susan Blu, Kane Hodder

“There’s a legend around here. A killer buried, but not dead. A curse on Crystal Lake. A death curse. Jason Voorhees’ curse. They say he died as a boy, but he keeps coming back. Few have seen him and lived. Some have even tried to stop him. No one can.” (Narrator, Friday The 13th Part VII: The New Blood)

The Friday The 13th series has jumped the shark so many times I’m surprised Jason Voorhees isn’t dressed like Evel Knievel.

After apparently killing their iconic slasher villain for good in Part IV, introducing a copycat killer in Part V then resurrecting the original as a zombie in Part VI and chaining him to the bottom of Crystal Lake at the end, Paramount decided it was time to fill an entire swimming pool full of sharks, jellyfish and piranha and jump that instead.

Enter Tina Shepard, the heroine of Part VII: The New Blood. Not content with merely being the latest in a line of sole survivors in Friday The 13th films, Tina is different because (drum roll) she has telekinetic powers. Yes, she can move things with the power of her mind. Continue reading “Friday The 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988) review” →

Full Metal Jacket (1987) review

Published on December 5, 2013 by Chris Scullion1 Comment

Director: Stanley Kubrick

Starring: Vincent D’Onofrio, R. Lee Ermey, Matthew Modine, Adam Baldwin

“Tonight, you pukes will sleep with your rifles. You will give your rifle a girl’s name because this is the only pussy you people are going to get. Your days of finger-banging ol’ Mary-Jane Rottencrotch through her pretty pink panties are over. You are married to this piece. This weapon of iron and wood. And you WILL be faithful.” (Sergeant Hartman, Full Metal Jacket)

I always find the classics are the hardest to review. After all, what can you say about Full Metal Jacket that hasn’t already been said?

As a film widely believed to be one of the greatest war movies ever made, by adding my own critique to the never-ending onslaught of adoration it’s received in the 26 years since it was originally released, I might as well be spitting into a swimming pool. Continue reading “Full Metal Jacket (1987) review” →

Friday The 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986) review

Published on December 4, 2013December 7, 2013 by Chris Scullion2 Comments

Director: Tom McLoughlin

Starring: Thom Mathews, Jennifer Cooke, David Kagen, CJ Graham

“I went to go cremate Jason… but I fucked up.” (Tommy Jarvis, Friday The 13th Part VI: Jason Lives)

After pissing off long-time Friday The 13th fans by releasing a sequel in which Jason wasn’t actually the killer (see my review of Part V: A New Beginning), Paramount wasn’t taking any risks with the sixth film. That’s why Friday The 13th Part VI comes with a fairly definitive subtitle that states, yes, Jason is alive and well in this one.

Not that his resurrection makes a lot of sense, mind. After surviving a Friday film for the second time, Tommy Jarvis (now played by a third actor, the frustratingly spelt Thom Mathews) escapes from his mental institution, heading to Jason’s grave with his friend to convince himself he’s gone once and for all. After digging up the grave he sees Jason’s rotting body. Nice one, job done.

Except it isn’t, because Tommy decides he wants to drive a metal pole through Jason’s corpse, an act that comes back to munch on Tommy’s arse when a lightning storm hits the pole and brings Jason back to life, all zombified and annoyed and that. Continue reading “Friday The 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986) review” →

Psycho II (1983) review

Published on November 30, 2013December 4, 2013 by Chris Scullion1 Comment

Director: Richard Franklin

Starring: Anthony Perkins, Meg Tilly, Vera Miles

“I don’t kill people anymore.” (Norman Bates, Psycho II)

NOTE: Spoilers for the original Psycho ahead – don’t read this if you don’t know (or don’t want to know) who the killer is in the original film.

When it comes to sequels created long after their predecessors, it’d take some doing to beat Psycho II. Released a massive 23 years after the original Psycho, the only thing even more amazing than this hefty gap is that despite the number of years that have passed the sequel still sees the return of Anthony Perkins in the lead role of Norman Bates.

Having spent more than two decades in a psychiatric hospital after the incidents of the first film, Norman is released on good behaviour and free to go back home. It doesn’t say much for the American justice system that he’s allowed to return to the house and motel where he committed two murders and start living there again, but there you have it. Continue reading “Psycho II (1983) review” →

Friday The 13th Part V: A New Beginning (1985) review

Published on November 9, 2013 by Chris Scullion5 Comments

Director: Danny Steinmann

Starring: John Shepherd, Shavar Ross, Melanie Kinnaman, Dick Wieand

“Jason Voorhees? You’re outta your fucking mind. You’ve been out in the sun too long. Jason Voorhees is dead! His body was cremated. He’s nothing but a handful of ash.” (Mayor Cobb, Friday The 13th Part V: A New Beginning)

Picture the dilemma faced by the studio execs at Paramount. They’d just released the fourth Friday The 13th film, one which quite clearly drew a line under the whole series with the title Friday The 13th: The Final Chapter. And yet, people wanted more.

So, deciding to neatly brush the whole ‘final chapter’ business neatly under the blood-soaked carpet, Paramount greenlit a fifth film and decided to call it A New Beginning, the title implying that the first four films were still their own little series and now we were dealing with a brand new story arc. Continue reading “Friday The 13th Part V: A New Beginning (1985) review” →