Category: Reviews

Gremlins 2: The New Batch (1990) review

Published on by Chris Scullion1 Comment

Gremlins 2 posterDirector: Joe Dante

Starring: Zach Galligan, Phoebe Cates, John Glover, Christopher Lee

“Because of the end of civilisation, the Clamp Cable Network now leaves the air. We hope you’ve enjoyed our programming, but more importantly, we hope you’ve enjoyed life.” (Public service announcement, Gremlins 2: The New Batch)

The success of Gremlins in 1984 meant than a sequel would be inevitable, but director Joe Dante didn’t want anything to do with it at first. The film lingered in development hell for years until the promise of a much bigger budget and full creative freedom convinced Dante to return and helm the sequel, which was finally released six years after the original.

Gremlins 2 is a very different beast to its predecessor. While they’re both horror-comedies, the first film focuses more on the horror whereas the sequel plants its best foot firmly in the comedy camp. The first film was genuinely dark – the Gremlins killed people and some aspects of the script certainly weren’t suitable for children (such as Katie’s story about her father dying when she was a child after he dressed as Santa and broke his neck climbing down the chimney, where he lay for five days.

Gremlins 2
“Do these glasses make me look ugly?”

This time around there’s no such nastiness, as Gremlins 2 instead packs its 106 minutes with silly jokes and parodies of other movies. Not that this is a bad thing, of course, it just feels different to the original.

Not that you’d know it based on the plot, mind. Once again the cute and cuddly Gizmo finds himself away from the safety of Mr Wing’s shop, this time ending up in a scientists’ lab at the futuristic Clamp Enterprises office building. Once again, Gizmo ends up meeting Billy (Galligan) and Katie (Cates), who are coincidentally both working at Clamp Enterprises, and once again Billy warns the others that Gizmo shouldn’t get wet, be exposed to bright lights or eat after midnight. And once again it all goes inevitably wrong. Continue reading “Gremlins 2: The New Batch (1990) review” →

The Beyond (1981) (Video Nasty review #7)

Published on by Chris ScullionLeave a comment

The Beyond posterDirector: Lucio Fulci

Starring: Catriona MacColl, David Warbeck, Cinzia Monreale

Also known as: Seven Doors Of Death (USA)

“Be careful what you do, because this hotel was built over one of the seven doors of evil.” (Schweik, The Beyond)

Though Italian director Lucio Fulci may be best known in the UK for his video nasty Zombi 2 (better known as Zombie Flesh Eaters), it’s another video nasty that most horror fans worldwide associate with him. It’s understandable, because The Beyond is easily one of his better films.

After starting with a flashback in which a poor sod in New Orleans is crucified in a cellar by a mob who think he’s a warlock, we fast-forward to the present day (well, 1981) where we meet Liza (MacColl), who’s moved from New York to New Orleans to inherit, refurbish and re-open a decrepit hotel.

The Beyond
Here’s a joke for you love, what do you call a blind… oh Christ I am so, so sorry

It becomes clear very quickly that, as luck would have it, the hotel is built on a gateway to Hell, and as such there’s a whole load of shit going down in the basement including the zombified remains of the lad from the flashback. That’s Hell, not Hull, mind – though I appreciate it’s hard to tell the difference. It’s up to Liza along with her friend John (Warbeck) to try to figure out how to stop this from happening. Continue reading “The Beyond (1981) (Video Nasty review #7)” →

Confessions (2010) review

Published on by Chris ScullionLeave a comment

Director: Tetsuya Nakashima

Starring: Takako Matsu, Kaoru Fujiwara, Yukito Nishii, Ai Hashimoto

“Ms. Moriguchi… there is something wrong with this class.” (Mizuki, Confessions)

My good chum and work colleague Tamoor gave me a Blu-ray yesterday and told me: “Watch this, it’ll be perfect for your site.” I got home and gave it a watch. 100 minutes later I was on Amazon ordering a copy for myself, because Confessions is one of the best films I’ve seen in years.

Yuko Moriguchi is a teacher in charge of a class of 13-year-olds, but she’s decided to pack it in. She’s got good reason to, mind you – her young daughter has died and she knows that the two people responsible for it are two of her pupils.

Yuko’s revenge plot is bloody horrible. And once you’ve seen the film you’ll see what I did there

Rather than tell the police and send the two young killers through what she believes is a far too lenient youth justice system, she decides to plot her own revenge, a revenge that – once you learn the true story of what happened to her daughter – will have you questioning whether she’s gone too far.

The first half-hour of Confessions is perhaps the most engrossing that I’ve seen in a long time. It’s essentially one long monologue delivered by Yuko to her students, explaining to them what happened, how she discovered the identities of the killers, and her method of punishment. To say too much would be to spoil a film that really has to be seen with very little knowledge about the plot.  Continue reading “Confessions (2010) review” →

The Diary Of Anne Frank (2009) review

Published on by Chris Scullion4 Comments

The Diary Of Anne Frank coverDirector: George Stevens

Starring: Ellie Kendrick, Iain Glen, Tamsin Greig, Geoff Breton

“I have often been downcast, but never in despair; I regard our hiding as a dangerous adventure, romantic and interesting at the same time.” (Anne, The Diary Of Anne Frank)

Last month I suddenly had the urge to become more cultured, and so I finally did something I’d always wanted to do – I read Anne Frank’s diary. Far be it for me to criticise such a monumental tome, but I wasn’t completely enamoured with it. Although Frank was an incredible writer for her age, being a young teenager who was naturally unaware of the horrible fate awaiting her the majority of the book consisted of spiteful comments about the people sharing the small annex with her as she, her family and four others hid from the Nazis.

In fact, and I’m really truly sorry for anyone offended by this, but had it not been for the historical importance of the book and the fact that we all knew the atrocious details of what happened to Anne Frank after she wrote her diary, you might be forgiven for not really warming to her, or maybe even thinking she was a bit of a knob.

The Diary Of Anne Frank
It’s difficult writing jokey captions about a film like this. Go on, try it.

This TV mini-series made by the BBC, then, can be forgiven for making use of a little poetic license so that Anne is less like the cold, sometimes spiteful teenager she was in her diary and is instead more amiable and downright charming at times. While there are still moments where she’s a bit of a tit, like when she writes her father a cruel letter or when she dismisses her mother’s offer of comfort, for the most part she’s significantly more likeable than she is in her actual diary. Continue reading “The Diary Of Anne Frank (2009) review” →

Not Another Teen Movie (2001) review

Published on by Chris Scullion4 Comments

Not Another Teen Movie posterDirector: Joel Gallen

Starring: Chyler Leigh, Chris Evans, Jaime Pressly, Eric Christian Olsen

“Let’s make like a tree and… branch. Out of here.” (Austin, Not Another Teen Movie)

Everyone has their guilty pleasures, and Not Another Teen Movie is certainly one of mine.  While there have been countless atrocious spoof movies released over the years following the success of Scary Movie, this piss-take of teen flicks from the ’80s and ’90s is one of those rare few that are actually genuinely funny.

Perhaps it’s because its spoofs are so accurate to the movies they’re parodying, but with jokes not so specific that they’ll be lost on those who haven’t seen these films.

Not Another Teen Movie pic 1
“If this isn’t enough to turn you on, how about if I tell you that in a decade’s time I’m going to be Captain America?”

Or perhaps it’s because both generations of teen flick fans – the ’80s kids and the ’90s kids – are catered for in equal measure. ’80s films like The Breakfast Club, Pretty In Pink, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and Porky’s are imitated to perfection, while ’90s movies like 10 Things I Hate About You, Bring It On, American Pie and Cruel Intentions are also aped. This also extends to the soundtrack, which mainly consists of ’80s songs being covered by modern bands. Well, modern by late ’90s standards. Continue reading “Not Another Teen Movie (2001) review” →

Drive (2011) review

Published on by Chris Scullion1 Comment

Director: Nicolas Winding Refn

Starring: Ryan Gosling, Carey Mulligan, Bryan Cranston, Albert Brooks, Ron Perlman

“There’s a hundred-thousand streets in this city. You don’t need to know the route. You give me a time and a place, I give you a five minute window. Anything happens in that five minutes and I’m yours. No matter what. Anything happens a minute either side of that and you’re on your own. Do you understand?” (The Driver, Drive)

I didn’t really know what to expect when I put Drive into my Blu-ray player. To be perfectly honest, though it had received rave reviews from people I knew, people whose opinions I trusted, I just couldn’t get excited about it. Ultimately I ended up renting it and giving it a go purely because my fiancee wanted to see it. I’m glad I finally did, because it’s a sensational film.

Doug's surprise 40th birthday party was about to go horribly wrong

Drive tells the story of an unnamed driver (Gosling) who works as a movie stuntman during the day and is a freelance getaway driver for criminals at night. After falling for his next-door neighbour (Mulligan) and deciding to help out her jailbird husband, things end up going pear-shaped and the driver has to struggle to ensure not only his own survival, but that of his neighbour’s family.

Ryan Gosling puts in a curious but ultimately appealing performance as a man who says very little throughout the film. There are moments of dialogue when it’s really essential to get the point across but a lot of Drive consists of Gosling and Mulligan staring at each other without saying anything. And yet, that’s partly what makes the film so interesting, because their chemistry is such that they both do such a great job of saying an awful lot without actually saying anything.  Continue reading “Drive (2011) review” →

Faces Of Death (1978) (Video Nasty review #6)

Published on by Chris Scullion9 Comments

Director: John Alan Schwartz

Starring: Michael Carr

“During the past 20 years I know that my compulsion to understand death was much greater than just an obsession. My dreams have dictated my mission. But now it is time to witness the final moment, to discover the circle that forever repeats ifself. The end of the beginning or the beginning of the end? I’ll leave that decision to you.” (Dr Gross, Faces Of Death)

I’ve been putting off watching Faces Of Death for years but I knew that my pledge to eventually watch all 72 video nasties meant that one day I’d have to grin and bear it. With my fiancee on holiday in France, I figured there was no time like the present. As I expected, Faces Of Death is fucking horrible.

Ironically, this is actually a real drowned corpse that a member of the film crew came across by pure chance during the film's production

This gruesome ’70s film is part documentary, part mockumentary, a film that claims it wants us to consider death and make us question the ways in which we kill and be killed, but in reality it’s just an excuse to show scene after scene of grotesque footage. It’s since been admitted that around 40% of the footage was faked, but that of course means around 60% was real and that’s just macabre.

Of course, even if it hadn’t been admitted that much of Faces Of Death was fake, these days it’d be much easier to tell anyway. The film originally gained notoriety and popularity in the early days of VHS, where people would rent and copy the taboo tape, passing it around their friends and constantly degrading the already fuzzy picture quality in the process. This made it easier to believe all the footage was real, because the detail lost in the tape quality would be filled in by the viewer’s subconscious and made “realistic” in their heads.  Continue reading “Faces Of Death (1978) (Video Nasty review #6)” →

Dead Space: Downfall (2008) review

Published on by Chris ScullionLeave a comment

Director: Chuck Patton

Starring: Voices of Nika Futterman, Keith Szarabajka, Jim Cummings

DOBBS – “There’s a lot of blood in this room, but no bodies.”
SHEN – “Sounds like one of your parties.”
DOBBS – “Or your sex life.”

If you haven’t played the Dead Space series of video games you’re missing out on a bunch of petrifying, immersive survival horrors that combine the isolation of outer space with the terror of big bastard mutant alien things. Since the games start with you onboard a ship that’s already been infected with said mutants and had its crew sliced to bits however, it seems there’s a lot of story to be told about how the situation got so messy. Enter Dead Space: Downfall.

A prequel to the original game, Dead Space: Downfall is an animated movie explaining how the SS Ishimura, a mining ship, ends up being infested by the monstrous Necromorphs. After a colony on the planet Aegis VII asks for advice on an alien artifact they’ve found, the Ishimura nips down to the planet and takes it on board. Not before a ship infected with a Necromorph manages to get inside the Ishimura though, infecting the Ishimura with the mutant menace.

"This is the last time I take the bins out on curry night"

The Necromorph virus spreads throughout the Ishimura, turning the ship’s workers into mutants. Predictably, shit goes down and various poor sods end up coming face-to-face with their own spleens. It’s left to a small group of surviving workers to destroy the mutants, save the Ishimura and figure out what the alien artifact is supposed to be.

Of course, this being a prequel to the Dead Space video game, which sees you arriving at the Ishimura and finding everyone dead with Necromorphs still running riot, it should be fairly obvious to most people watching Downfall that nobody’s going to make it out alive by the end of this one. It’s harder then to care much about the well-being of the film’s main characters when you know they’re going to end up pegging it before long.  Continue reading “Dead Space: Downfall (2008) review” →

Paranormal Activity 2 (2010) review

Published on by Chris Scullion4 Comments

Director: Tod Williams

Starring: Sprague Grayden, Brian Boland, Molly Ephraim, Katie Featherston, Micah Sloat

“We just can’t let this affect us that much. If we do that, the terrorists win.” (Daniel, Paranormal Activity 2)

After the success of The Blair Witch Project, the inevitable sequel followed. Rather than sticking with what worked and going with another low-budget handheld camera effort, the filmmakers went with a big $15 million production that felt nothing like the original. It was a moderate success but most fans of the first film hated it (personally, I liked it but that’s for another review). No doubt with this in mind, the makers of Paranormal Activity instead decided if it wasn’t broke they shouldn’t try to fix it, and so Paranormal Activity 2 is more or less the same as the first movie.

"Oh hello son. I appear to have fallen arse over tit. Be a dear, help me up"

Once again we’ve got a couple moving into a new home, and once again we’ve got the whole thing captured on home video cameras (with security cameras chucked into the mix too this time). Once again weird shit starts going down, and once again it seems clear that there’s some sort of demon terrorising them.

Unfortunately, Paranormal Activity 2 seems to lose something that the original had – the sense of intimacy that made it so powerful. Whereas the original film simply consisted of a couple moving in together for the first time, using a single store-bought camera to record the weird goings-on that have started to happen, this time so many new elements are introduced to try and add some variety. Instead though, they just make the situation more complicated.  Continue reading “Paranormal Activity 2 (2010) review” →

Dollman (1991) review

Published on by Chris Scullion1 Comment

Director: Albert Pyun

Starring: Tim Thomerson, Jackie Earle Haley, Kamala Lopez

OVERWEIGHT KID – “That’s a Kruger blaster! The most powerful handgun in the universe!”

DOLLMAN – “That’s right, fat boy.”

While Full Moon Features is still going these days, it’s probably fair to say that most of the stuff it puts money into is utter shite. The likes of Dangerous Worry Dolls, Gingerdead Man and Killjoy, while entertaining to those who get a kick out of watching bad movies, just can’t cut it overall. This wasn’t always the case though – back in the late 80s and early 90s Full Moon Productions (as it was known then) was a powerhouse in the world of low-budget, straight-to-video sci-fi and horror. Film series like Puppet Master, Subspecies and Trancers were much-loved by genre fans at the time, and the Videozone making-of features at the end of each tape (long before DVD, mind) helped gain Full Moon a cult following of fans. Dollman was one of the films Full Moon released during that time period, and it’s easily one of the silliest.

The cast of Cheaper By The Dozen were somewhat taken aback by Steve Martin's diva attitude

Dollman opens on a planet many light years away with its hero Brick Bardo coming face-to-face with his nemesis, the criminal Sprug. On this planet if you commit a misdemeanour and are caught you have a body part removed as punishment, so when you consider Sprug is just a head on a floating platform, it’s obvious he’s a nasty bugger. Still, that doesn’t stop him jumping (well, rolling) into his spaceship and trying to leave the planet, with Brick following in hot pursuit. The two ships crash-land on Earth (the Bronx, to be precise), so Brick has to find a way to repair his ship and get back to his own planet before Sprug finds him. There’s just one thing – on Earth, Brick is only thirteen inches tall.  Continue reading “Dollman (1991) review” →