Halloween is that glorious time where nearly every big TV channel in the UK slaps some horror films on the telly to try and compete for the nation’s temporary love of all things creepy. But since there are now officially twelve million television channels on UK television (approx) it can be a bit daunting surfing through massive channel guides to find the diamonds in the rough. No need, because I’ve gathered the full list of horror films showing  on Monday 31 October, along with a little advice on whether I reckon they’re worth a watch. I’m nice like that.

Not listed below (because it’d take too long) is Sky Movies Classics’ top-notch line-up – because they’re showing nothing but Universal horror films all day, including The Creature From The Black Lagoon, Frankenstein, The Mummy, The Invisible Man, Dracula, Return Of The Fly and such. If you want a bit of old-school horror, that’s your best bet. As for the rest of the channels, here’s what’s on offer.

Finally, most of these films are on the Sky movie channels, and since not everyone has those I’ve coloured those red to make it easier to identify the films you’re more likely to be able to see. Happy Halloween!

In order of transmission (Monday, 31 October):

Vampire In Brooklyn (1995)
2.55pm, Sky Movies Comedy – What do you get when you cross Wes Craven and Eddie Murphy? Pish 

Tremors 3: Back To Perfection (2001)
3pm, SyFy – Fairly rubbish sequel to the desert worm classic

Sorority Row (2009)
6.45pm, Sky Movies Sci-Fi & Horror – Forgettable teen slasher, typical ‘prank gone wrong’ stuff

Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein (1994)
8pm, Sky Movies Modern Greats – Robert De Niro and Helena Bonham Carter put an interesting spin on the classic

The Ring (2002)
8pm, Sky Movies Showcase – Killer video tape kills you to DEATH after a week of bricking it 

The Final Destination (2009)
8.30pm, Sky Movies Sci-Fi & Horror – AKA Final Destination 4. Death comes back to fuck up more chancers 

Beowulf (2007)
9pm, 5* – Odd animated fantasy starring CGI Angelina Jolie and Danish monsters

The Shining (1980)
9pm, TCM – Kubrick’s masterpiece about isolation and its tendency to lead to insanity

Paranormal Activity 2 (2010)
9.45pm, Sky Movies Premiere – More grainy footage of ghosts fannying around while people sleep

Scream (1996)
10pm, Sky Movies Sci-Fi & Horror – Wes Craven’s fantastic return to form. Read the review here 

Halloween II (2009)
10pm, Sky Movies Showcase – Rob Zombie returns for more Michael Myers slaughterfun™

King Kong (2005)
10pm, ITV2 – Peter Jackson’s remarkable take on the tale of a monkey who just wanted to have sex with a tiny woman

Frankenstein Created Woman (1967)
10.05pm, The Horror Channel – cryptically named Hammer Horror classic starring Peter Cushing

Addams Family Values (1993)
10.20pm, Sky Movies Family – More adequate adventures from the painfully odd family 

Halloween: Resurrection (2002)
11.20pm, BBC 2 – Ridiculous Big Brother knock-off with Michael Myers, Tyra Banks and Busta Rhymes. Seriously

Night Of The Demons (2010)
11.20pm, Sky Movies Premiere – Edward Furlong proves he still has a career in this remake

Burke And Hare (2010)
11.40pm, Sky Movies Comedy – Simon Pegg and Andy Serkis star in this graverobbing farce 

Return Of The Living Dead Part II (1987)
11.45pm, TCM – Fantastic zombie film as packed with comedy as it is tasty brains

Scream 2 (1997)
11.50pm, Sky Movies Sci-Fi & Horror – Craven strikes back in this decent sequel. Read the review here

The Amityville Horror (1979)
11.50pm, Sky Movies Showcase – The original that spawned countless sequels and imitations 

The Plague Of The Zombies (1965)
11.50pm, The Horror Channel – Zombies are used as cheap labour in this Hammer gem

Ginger Snaps Back: The Beginning (2004)
12.45am, BBC 2 – Prequel to Canadian werewolf film that shows how it all came about

AvH: Alien v Hunter
1am, movies 24 – Silly sci-fi pish where an alien crash-lands on Earth and another alien arrives hunting it

Session 9 (2001)
1.30am, SyFy – Atmospheric and creepy thriller about an abandoned asylum. Recommended

Scream 3 (2000)
1.50am, Sky Movies Sci-Fi & Horror – Sky completes its Scream trilogy. Read the review here

So there you have it. Personally, I’d recommend the following for the perfect night of horror, if you don’t have the Sky movie channels:
THE SHINING (9pm, TCM)
RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD PART II (11.45pm, TCM)
SESSION 9 (1.30am, SyFy) 

If you’re just looking for something so bad you can take the piss out of it with a group of friends, then Halloween Resurrection on BBC2 is your best shout by a country mile.

Happy Halloween!

Chris