If you don’t think the Eurovision Song Contest should be on this website, you’ve clearly never seen it before.
Its selection of ‘unique’ performances means it sure as shit qualifies as “a bit mental”.
Here, then, are my entire thoughts on the show’s performances, as I tweeted them at the time.
Ewan McGregor looks odd. pic.twitter.com/SkaHMjehGx
— Chris Scullion (@scully1888) May 10, 2014
Ukraine going for the Hamster demographic there. Niche market but it might get them enough votes to win #Eurovision pic.twitter.com/qmFxD33GBT
— Chris Scullion (@scully1888) May 10, 2014
Trust #Eurovision to start with a performance that isn't that funny and only allows for obvious hamster jokes.
— Chris Scullion (@scully1888) May 10, 2014
Azerbaijan go for an unusual choice of performance – a duet by a woman and an invisible person. #Eurovision pic.twitter.com/fMqxJbvqTz
— Chris Scullion (@scully1888) May 10, 2014
Iceland letting its anti-green racism show there. Fucking despicable. #Eurovision pic.twitter.com/ZaLHGuuqWj
— Chris Scullion (@scully1888) May 10, 2014
The happiest man ever to have been born, and ever to be born in the future. #Eurovision pic.twitter.com/hhv0R8z29S
— Chris Scullion (@scully1888) May 10, 2014
Going from Iceland to Norway is like going to DIsneyland then stopping by at a mass grave for puppies on the way home. #Eurovision
— Chris Scullion (@scully1888) May 10, 2014
Romania has a fake Batsignal, only instead of Batman it summons a fake greenscreened Cheryl Cole #Eurovision pic.twitter.com/0VEuxogFxd
— Chris Scullion (@scully1888) May 10, 2014
Poignant moment as the Armenian remembers his badge is a memorial to those killed in elevator accidents #Eurovision pic.twitter.com/lKKEiawFDJ
— Chris Scullion (@scully1888) May 10, 2014
"Stop singing you selfish cock, my leg's broken" #Eurovision pic.twitter.com/qbn0hrPvgK
— Chris Scullion (@scully1888) May 10, 2014
Subtle. #Eurovision pic.twitter.com/SXyF1xHG4B
— Chris Scullion (@scully1888) May 10, 2014
I haven't seen such an impressive Polish performance since I used Mr Sheen on my coffee table
— Chris Scullion (@scully1888) May 10, 2014
The Greek entrant predicts how many total points he'll have by the end of the contest #Eurovision pic.twitter.com/9gqvzJWKKF
— Chris Scullion (@scully1888) May 10, 2014
Presumably this is a tactical move by Greece because they can't afford to host next year's tournament if they win.
— Chris Scullion (@scully1888) May 10, 2014
@scully1888 you're gonna have Norton out of a job soon! I vote Scullion for 2015's commentary
— Skells (@Skellylicious) May 10, 2014
To be fair, not many people do much after leaving X Factor so at least Rylan's made it this far. #Eurovision pic.twitter.com/9w1t1zbSW0
— Chris Scullion (@scully1888) May 10, 2014
Every #Eurovision song that opens with this shot is a winner in my book. pic.twitter.com/UFS1ejm8WY
— Chris Scullion (@scully1888) May 10, 2014
Imagine dying and having this on your gravestone. Your family'd be so proud they'd have weekly picnics at your grave pic.twitter.com/3tvFBivkbx
— Chris Scullion (@scully1888) May 10, 2014
"We will always remember Wolfgang. He had most beard."
— Chris Scullion (@scully1888) May 10, 2014
CAN I JUST WATCH ONE FUCKING TV PROGRAMME WITHOUT AMANDA FUCKING HOLDEN TURNING UP AND RUINING IT #Eurovision pic.twitter.com/BkTzDIxApa
— Chris Scullion (@scully1888) May 10, 2014
This is probably the most French image ever. #Eurovision pic.twitter.com/jcicHqhBW9
— Chris Scullion (@scully1888) May 10, 2014
Nice to see potential sex offenders are allowed to perform too though. Equality for all. #Eurovision pic.twitter.com/9uGx7q4LJT
— Chris Scullion (@scully1888) May 10, 2014
Bold statement from Russia as they lock two lesbians in a cell on-stage. #Eurovision pic.twitter.com/VjpEJIAAoG
— Chris Scullion (@scully1888) May 10, 2014
What is this, the ninth attempted comeback by Britney? Tenth? #Eurovision pic.twitter.com/mAXP6OD0wo
— Chris Scullion (@scully1888) May 10, 2014
Gaming tip: if a boss in a platformer ever does this attack, jump off the ground to avoid it. #Eurovision pic.twitter.com/v0gxpxFKfN
— Chris Scullion (@scully1888) May 10, 2014
"Go home lads, the venue closed hours ago." #Eurovision pic.twitter.com/idqSxaFN8h
— Chris Scullion (@scully1888) May 10, 2014
"You're up next, Spain." "But… I'm still in the shower." "Hahaha. Get on the fucking stage mate." #Eurovision pic.twitter.com/8ZkGMf1jfO
— Chris Scullion (@scully1888) May 10, 2014
"What's got two index fingers and acts like an enormous thunderpenis? THIS GUY" #Eurovision pic.twitter.com/zqUXMHl3p3
— Chris Scullion (@scully1888) May 10, 2014
"That fucking moron with the fiddle is coming over." "Stay still. His reactions are based on movement." #Eurovision pic.twitter.com/oa5WXsenol
— Chris Scullion (@scully1888) May 10, 2014
The main reason there are no famous Maltese surfers – shit equipment. #Eurovision pic.twitter.com/BD5TmbXllo
— Chris Scullion (@scully1888) May 10, 2014
#Eurovision just kicked things up a notch with an impromptu platforming challenge. pic.twitter.com/OjCJ6I5aVA
— Chris Scullion (@scully1888) May 10, 2014
"When our manager told us we were going on the road this wasn't exactly what I had in mind." #Eurovision pic.twitter.com/8smDwQ0yLX
— Chris Scullion (@scully1888) May 10, 2014
Bit of an elaborate train on that wedding dress. #Eurovision pic.twitter.com/d15TPuC1H5
— Chris Scullion (@scully1888) May 10, 2014
"That'll teach me to shake hands with that bloke with the fake tan" #Eurovision pic.twitter.com/xI74NdGm0h
— Chris Scullion (@scully1888) May 10, 2014
This is two more Graham Nortons than I can stomach. #Eurovision pic.twitter.com/YJumkfzL2F
— Chris Scullion (@scully1888) May 10, 2014
There you go, Britain – the only number you need to call tonight. #Eurovision pic.twitter.com/TQVDBS1pmp
— Chris Scullion (@scully1888) May 10, 2014
Just put together this image to show the crossover I never realised I wanted to see happen. #Eurovision #MassEffect pic.twitter.com/ZWhhZAWSdV
— Chris Scullion (@scully1888) May 10, 2014
Christ, Meatloaf lost a fuckton of weight. #Eurovision pic.twitter.com/jZ6ovLUIlT
— Chris Scullion (@scully1888) May 10, 2014
New to That Was A Bit Mental? I usually do film reviews, you know. Mostly of utter shite. Here’s my review index, and here’s a list of the most batshit insane films covered.