Review Index
Here’s a list of every film reviewed on That Was A Bit Mental, along with a quick description. I’m nice like that. Each review also comes with its own trailer and, where possible, a link to buy it from Amazon. If you decide you like the look of one of the films and want to buy it, please do it using one of the links because I get a tiny bit of commission that I can use to fund the site, remove ads, add storage space and so forth.
Current stats:
116 horror reviews
44 non-horror reviews
160 reviews in total
HORROR
28 Days Later (2002)
Zombies run (not walk) around a deserted London
Alien (1979)
Mining ship lands on a suspicious planet, parasites get on board and start tearing shit up
Aliens (1986)
The survivor from Alien joins a group of marines and goes back to the planet to wipe out the rest of the Aliens
Alien Terminator (1995)
Genetic experiment goes wrong in an underground lab and spawns a man in a bad monster costume
Alien Undead (2010)
Genetic experiment goes wrong in an underground lab and spawns multiple men in bad monster costumes. In Australia
Alligator (1980)
Baby alligator dumped down the toilet feasts on genetically modified puppies, grows huge and terrorises Chicago
Amityville 3D (1983)
Haunted house shenanigans in not-very convincing 3D
Axe (1977)
On-the-run gang of crooks take solace in a girl’s country home but she’s not having any of it
Behind The Mask: The Rise Of Leslie Vernon (2006)
Spoof documentary following a wannabe horror slasher
Beware: Children At Play (1989)
A group of missing children become cannibals and are then slaughtered by their parents in gory detail
The Beyond (1981)
Woman moves to New Orleans to open a hotel. Turns out she’s only gone and bloody opened one built on a gateway to Hell
The Blair Witch Project (1998)
Three students go into the woods to film a documentary but go missing, conveniently leaving their scary-as-shit footage behind
Bless The Child (2000)
Kim Basinger’s daughter has special powers that the devil wants to use for evil
Blood Car (2007)
In a world without petrol a nerdy vegan finds a way to power cars with blood, but can he stomach it?
Blood Feast (1963)
Arguably the first truly gory movie, in which a crazed party host plans to kill women to resurrect an Egyptian queen
The Boneyard (1991)
A psychic, some policemen and morticians are stuck in a morgue with three zombie children and a soon-to-be- mutant poodle
Bride Of Chucky (1998)
Chucky gets himself a wife as a once-straight horror series turns into a horror comedy
Buffy The Vampire Slayer (1992)
The cult teen horror flick that spawned a much more popular TV series
Cannibal (2010)
Arty French romance that isn’t as grotesque or visceral as the title would have you believe
Children Of The Corn (1984)
Linda Hamilton and her husband find a small rural village populated solely by evil children
Children Of The Corn II: The Final Scarifice (1992)
A news reporter travels to the village from the first town and encounters the same evil children
Children Of The Corn III: Urban Harvest (1995)
Two brothers from the dodgy village move in with foster parents in Chicago and start plotting a dodgy scheme which involves a ridiculously large monster
Child’s Play (1988)
Chucky the killer doll tries to take over the soul of a young boy
Child’s Play 2 (1990)
Chucky the killer doll tries to take over the soul of the young boy again after messing up the first time
Child’s Play 3 (1991)
Chucky the killer doll tries to take over the soul of a different young boy at a military camp
Creepshow (1982)
George Romeo and Stephen King’s ace five-tale anthology of comic-style horror tales
Creepshow 3 (2006)
Disappointing horror anthology with confusing stories and horrible acting
Damien: Omen II (1978)
Son of the devil goes to a military camp and starts some shit there
Dangerous Worry Dolls (2008)
Woman in prison prays to some dolls and a skull appears in her forehead for some reason
Dawn Of The Dead (1978)
The definitive zombie film. Four people find themselves trapped in a mall swarming with the living dead
Dead Heat (1988)
A cop is killed and turned into a zombie. He needs to stop the man responsible before he rots away
Dead Silence (2007)
Mental dead ventriloquist woman murders people from beyond the grave with haunted dummies
Dead Space: Downfall (2008)
A prequel to the Dead Space video games, showing how a bunch of nasty Necromorphs invaded a mining ship with dismal results (in more ways than one)
Deadly Blessing (1981)
Sharon Stone and chums are hassled in the countryside by a group of strict religious types in this Wes Craven film with an insane ending
Deadtime Stories: Volume 1 (2009)
George Romero “presents” this horrible collection of atrocious short stories
Demons Never Die (2011)
London-based slasher where all the victims are suicidal anyway. Features a cameo by Tulisa from N-Dubz
Dinoshark (2010)
A dinosaur crossed with a shark decides it’s time to eat some Mexicans
Drag Me To Hell (2009)
Sam Raimi’s hilariously gruesome tale of a cursed button and an evil gypsy woman
Elvira’s Haunted Hills (2001)
Sultry scream queen sexpot in a medieval horror comedy with enough tit jokes for everyone
The Evil Dead (1981)
A group of chums go for a break in a cabin by the woods and inadvertently recite an incantation that awakens the dead
Exorcismus (2010)
An English teen becomes possessed by the devil and starts being a bit of an arsehole to her family
The Exorcist (1973)
Little girl is possessed by the devil and starts breaking every taboo known to man
The Exorcist: The Version You’ve Never Seen (2000)
Remastered version of the 1973 original with new, controversial scenes added
Exorcist II: The Heretic (1977)
This sequel to one of the greatest horror films ever somehow manages to be one of the worst
The Eye (2002)
Terrifying Asian horror in which a blind woman receives a transplant and is given the eyes of someone who could see ghosts
Faces Of Death (1978)
Grim video nasty showing footage of dead bodies and animal killings – some fake, some horribly real
The Final Conflict (1981)
The third story in the Omen series sees a now adult Damien trying to kill the second coming of Christ
Final Destination (2000)
Lad gets a premonition of a plane crash and so doesn’t take his scheduled flight. Plane explodes, weird shit goes down
Friday The 13th (1980)
A group of nubile, sexually active teens are slaughtered at a summer camp by someone who actually isn’t Jason
Ghostwatch (1992)
Fake BBC reality TV show about a haunted house. So convincing it led to some real-life murders
The Gingerdead Man (2005)
Group of teens in a bakery are tormented by a small baked murderer played by Gary Busey
The Gingerdead Man 2: Passion Of The Crust (2008)
Small baked murderer moves onto a filmset in this surprisingly clever piss-take of low-budget moviemaking
Gremlins (1984)
Cuddly creature gives birth to a horde of troublesome imps in a Christmas horror comedy
Gremlins 2: The New Batch (1990)
Cuddly creature gives birth to a horde of troublesome imps in a non-Christmas comedy horror
Halloween (1978)
Michael Myers escapes from a madhouse and returns to his hometown to try and kill Jamie Lee Curtis
Halloween (2007)
Rob Zombie’s take on the John Carpenter original goes down the gritty, visually shocking route
Halloween II (1981)
Michael Myers continues to stalk Jamie Lee Curtis, this time following her to a hospital
Halloween III: Season Of The Witch (1982)
The one without Michael Myers in it. A madman wants to harness the power of Stonehenge to kill children with Halloween masks
Halloween 4: The Return Of Michael Myers (1988)
The Shape returns to terrorise an eight-year-old girl and show the world that he can still do generic slasher movies with the best of them
Halloween 5: The Revenge Of Michael Myers (1989)
Michael Myers isn’t dead yet, unsurprisingly, so he’s back to stalk his niece again in what was the worst Halloween yet
House Of Wax (2005)
Paris Hilton, Elisha Cuthbert and chums find a town where two nutters turn people into wax models
The Human Centipede (First Sequence) (2009)
Creepy German doctor kidnaps three victims and sews them arse-to-mouth to create a single creature
Humanoids From The Deep (1980)
Slimy half-man half-fish monsters invade a small fishing community, slaughtering the men and raping the woman. And killing dogs too
Jaws 2 (1978)
Another shark comes to Amity Island so it’s up to Chief Brody to boot its arse
Killer Klowns From Outer Space (1988)
A bunch of aliens dressed like clowns arrive in a small rural town and start imprisoning the townsfolk in candyfloss cocoons
Killjoy (2000)
Ghetto kid sick of being picked on uses voodoo to resurrect an evil gangsta clown demon
The Langoliers (1995)
A group of people wake up during a flight and realise all the other passengers and crew have disappeared
Leprechaun In The Hood (2000)
Mythical Irish midget travels to the ghetto to get his magic flute back from Ice-T
Lockjaw (2008)
DMX tries to act as a giant snake-crocodile thing starts gobbling up horrendous actors
The Lost Boys (1987)
Corey Haim and Corey Feldman team up to stop a vampire Keifer Sutherland turning teens into blood-suckers
Mega Piranha (2010)
Special forces tough guy teams up with Tiffany to stop a wave of mutated piranha fish swallowing Florida
Mega Python Vs Gatoroid (2011)
Tiffany and Debbie Gibson clash heads as giant snakes and alligators do the same
Night Of The Bloody Apes (1969)
Doctor’s son is dying so he replaces his heart with a gorilla’s, but the son becomes half-gorilla and wrecks the joint
Night Of The Living Dead (1968)
Zombies attack a small cabin in the woods in this seminal movie masterpiece
Nightbreed (1990)
Chap gets killed by a bunch of monsters, but then joins the group and vows to fight the local police
A Nightmare On Elm Street (1984)
Razor-fingered Freddy Krueger stalks the teenagers of Springwood in their dreams
A Nightmare On Elm Street Part 2: Freddy’s Revenge (1985)
Freddy’s back, this time in one of the most unintentionally homoerotic films ever made
A Nightmare On Elm Street Part 3: Dream Warriors (1987)
Patients in a young persons’ asylum combine forces to fight Freddy as he invades their dreams
The Omen (1976)
An influential US politician adopts a child who happens to be the son of the Devil
Paranormal Activity (2007)
A couple record the events on a video camera as a demon tries to terrorise them
Paranormal Activity 2 (2010)
A couple record the events on a video camera as a demon tries to terrorise them. And steal their baby
Piranha (2010)
Women get their tits out for half an hour before killer fish turn up to spoil the party
Please Don’t Eat My Mother (1973)
Pervert buys a plant that grows ten feet tall and wants to eat people
The Prophecy (1995)
Christopher Walken is a fallen angel come to Earth to steal a dead colonel’s soul from the mouth of a young girl
Pumpkinhead (1988)
Lance Henriksen summons a demon to fuck up the bikers who killed his son
Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (2010)
Excavation site in Finland digs up a frozen man believed to be an evil Santa Claus
Rasen (1998)
Alternative sequel to Ringu which was oddly released on the same day
Resurrecting The Street Walker (2009)
Fake documentary about a wannabe filmmaker trying to finish an abandoned ’80s video nasty and going slowly insane with the stress
Return To Sleepaway Camp (2008)
The owners of the original film’s camp start up a new one but the killings predictably begin again
The Ring (2002)
American remake of Ringu that looks the part and provides a decent alternative plot too
The Ring Virus (1999)
Korean remake of Ringu that looks the part but is underwhelming at best
Ringu (1998)
The freaky girl-in-a-dress movie that kickstarted the Japanese horror craze
Rubber (2010)
A rubber tyre rolls around the desert, blowing things up with its psychic powers
Scream (1996)
Teens are killed while making hilariously knowing references to horror film cliches
Scream 2 (1997)
More teens are killed while referencing slightly less horror cliches than before
Scream 3 (2000)
Even more teens are killed while barely referencing any horror cliches
Scream 4 (2011)
Yet more teens are killed while referencing new horror cliches created since the last one
Scream Bloody Murder (2000)
So-bad-it’s-good slasher that rips off umpteen films and still manages to suck balls
Seed Of Chucky (2004)
Chucky and Tiffany realise they’ve got a long-lost gender-confused child
Sharktopus (2010)
A genetic experiment goes wrong, creating a shark that you can’t escape on land
The Shrine (2010)
A trio of journalists go to a remote Polish village where a cult wants to kill them for a surprisingly understandable reason
Silent Hill (2006)
Messed-up, atmospheric haunted town thriller based on the popular survival horror video games
Slaughter High (1986)
Bullied student is scarred for life after a horrible accident, returns five years later to kill his tormentors
Sleepaway Camp (1983)
Cheesy camp slasher with one of the genuinely greatest endings in cinematic history
Snakes On A Train (2006)
Cursed woman vomits snakes which then terrorise passengers. Typical Virgin Trains.
Swamp Shark (2011)
A shark ends up in a swamp and Kristy Swanson has to go and kill it. Unlucky, love
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)
Five teens encounter a psycho cannibal family. Meathooks, hammers and chainsaws galore
The Thing (2011)
The events leading up to the 1982 John Carpenter classic are finally revealed
Troll 2 (1990)
A family moves into a town inhabited by trolls in what is famously one of the worst movies ever created
Troll Hunter (2010)
Massive hairy monsters invade Norway in this Blair Witch-style “documentary”
The Tunnel (2011)
Australian found-footage flick in which four journalists head down into Sydney’s underground tunnel and get more than they bargained for
Urban Explorers (2011)
Four tourists explore Berlin’s hidden underground bunkers and get more than they bargained for… unless they bargained for a killer madman, of course
The Vault Of Horror (1973)
Five men recollect dreams they had which involve them dying in gruesome and inventive ways
The Wasp Woman (1959)
The owner of a cosmetics firm tries a serum that reverses ageing. Unfortunately, it also turns her into a giant killer wasp monster. Swings and roundabouts
The Witch Who Came From The Sea (1976)
A woman who was abused as a child deals with her trauma by cutting men’s knobs off
Zombie Strippers (2008)
A zombie gets into a strip club and attacks one of the strippers. Guess what happens next
NON-HORROR
9/11 (2002)
A gripping documentary capturing events both inside and outside the World Trade Center
Any Given Sunday (1999)
Al Pacino plays an aging American football coach struggling to control his new superstar quarterback
Argo (2012)
Ben Affleck tries to smuggle six Americans out of Iran during a revolution by pretending they’re a film crew
Attack Of The Super Monsters (1982)
Big rubber dinosaurs attack Japan in this part-anime, part-monster movie madfest
Battle Royale (2000)
Japanese schoolkids are dumped on an island and made to kill each other
Battle Royale II: Requiem (2003)
More Japanese schoolkids are dumped on the same island and made to kill the previous survivor
Best Worst Movie (2009)
A documentary recalling the creation of Troll 2, arguably the worst film ever made
Beyond The Mat (1999)
A surprising documentary exposing the unseen backstage world of professional wrestling
Bruce Lee Fights Back From The Grave (1976)
A man who definitely isn’t Bruce Lee does some fighting, none of which is back from any graves
The Care Bears Movie (1985)
An evil book threatens to fuck up the Earth and, subsequently, the Care Bears’ world too
Chronicle (2012)
Three teens get superpowers and struggle to use them responsibly, leading to shit going down
Confessions (2010)
Incredible Japanese movie about a school teacher who decides to punish two of her students for murdering her young daughter
Crimewave (1985)
Sam Raimi, Bruce Campbell and the Coen brothers collaborate in a quirky crime comedy that was ruined by a film studio
Death Watch (1980)
Forgotten drama set in Scotland in which a terminally ill woman tries to escape being filmed for a reality TV show by a man with a camera in his eye
The Diary of Anne Frank (2009)
Mostly accurate portrayal of the tragic tale of a bunch of Jews hiding from Nazis during WWII
Dollman (1991)
Kick-ass hero from another planet comes to Earth and realises he’s only thirteen inches tall
Drive (2011)
Part-time stuntman, part-time getaway driver gets caught up in a sticky situation involving his neighbour and her ex-con hubby
Exam (2009)
Ten candidates at a job interview are given a blank sheet of paper and told to answer a question that doesn’t exist
The Exterminator (1980)
Vietnam vet decides to fight New York crime after his buddy is mugged
For Y’ur Height Only (1981)
A 2’9″ Filipino spy tries to take down an evil organisation hell-bent on world domination
Hell Comes To Frogtown (1988)
Rowdy Roddy Piper is tasked with repopulating the human race in a post-apocalyptic Earth while also fighting frog people
Hitchcock (2012)
The real-life story of director Alfred Hitchcock and the making of his most famous movie, Psycho
Hobo With A Shotgun (2011)
Homeless chap decides to take the law into his own hands and bring peace to a lawless neighbourhood. With a shotgun
Jurassic Park (1993)
Dino theme park goes into meltdown when a fat nerd cuts the power
Jurassic Park III (2001)
Sam Neill heads back into Dinotown to have a chat with the raptors
The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997)
More dino daftness as a second island containing more dinosaurs is explored
Monster House (2006)
Three kids try to solve the mystery of a house that’s seemingly swallowing residents
The Monster Squad (1987)
Mix the Goonies with Universal monsters to get this fun children’s adventure
The Muppets (2011)
Kermit and crew have to reform for one more show to save their beloved studio
Not Another Teen Movie (2001)
A surprisingly good spoof of teen flicks from the ’80s and ’90s. Worth a watch, believe it or not
Pee-wee’s Big Adventure (1985)
Innocent man-child travels across America in search of his stolen bicycle
Planet Of The Apes (1968)
Charlton Heston goes forward in time and lands on a planet where simians rule the roost
Religulous (2008)
American commentator Bill Maher travels round various religious places telling people there that they’re dicks
The Rise And Fall Of A White-Collar Hooligan (2012)
Misleading British crime film that has nothing to do with football hooliganism at all
Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes (2011)
Prequel to the ’60s classic which shows how the apes first started their revolt against humans
The Self-Destruction Of The Ultimate Warrior (2005)
Surprising official WWE documentary in which stars past and present line up to slag off a one-time superstar
Spirited Away (2001)
Amazing Japanese animation in which a young lass tries to rescue her parents from a spirit world
Super 8 (2011)
A group of kids shooting an amateur movie unwittingly become embroiled in an alien conspiracy
Taken (2008)
Liam Neeson’s daughter is kidnapped in Paris, so he goes there and kills loads of people to find her
Taken 2 (2012)
Liam Neeson is kidnapped in Istanbul, so his daughter (who’s already there) kills significantly fewer people to find him
Teen Wolf (1985)
Michael J Fox realises he can turn into a werewolf and play basketball like a fucking boss
Turkey Shoot (1982)
A group of prisoners are freed from an evil dictator’s death camp and hunted by the dictator and his cronies
Twilight (2008)
Teen meets vampire, not much else happens for 110 minutes
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 (2011)
Vampire gets teen pregnant, then everyone sits around looking all nervous for a while
December 27, 2011 at 1:47 pm
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